Please, brother!
by Elfe90
Summary: AU ending for X men:first class. Charles convinces Eric to change his mind at the beach. How? And what will happen afterwards? Will they be able to rebuild their relationship?  Just read and you'll see ; Oh, and please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**AU ending to the movie X men: first class. Charles convinces Eric to change his mind during the beach-scene. First chapter revised hopefully without most of my typos now ;)**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1**

"No, Eric. You did this." Charles' usually calm voice sounded rough and unsteady due to the pain of his injury and regret over the betrayal of his friend. His closest friend, a man he had thought of as a brother. In this moment the pain in his back wasn't nearly as overwhelming as the mental pain because of what Eric had done.

And his friend understood. He released Moira from his death grip and she fell into the sand coughing and struggling for breath. Eric didn't notice. His whole attention was focused on Charles who lay in his lap his head and neck supported by Eric's hand.

He had failed again. Hadn't been able to protect Charles just like he hadn't been able to save and protect his mother. Although his powers had developed so very much since that day in Shaw's office, the one man he considered his family was lying on the beach somewhere in Cuba and he had failed to protect him. Worse. He had been the cause for his injury.

As he looked into those piercing blue eyes Eric realized one thing. If it hadn't been for Charles he would be dead now. He would probably have drowned that night when he tried to stop Shaw's submarine. If Charles hadn't jumped into the water and pulled him out of his rage and back to reality he'd be gone for good. And the young professor had told the furious German something he had always remembered since that night.

_You're not alone. Eric, you're not alone._

It had reminded him so much of his mother telling him that everything was going to be okay. The only difference was that back there in this office when he tried to move the penny he hadn't believed his mother. Somehow he'd known that she would die, that he wouldn't be able to move the coin. But with Charles telling him he wasn't the only one and offering his company to Eric the mutant knew he wouldn't have to fight Shaw on his own.

_Shaw's got friends. You could do with some, too. _

Yes, and Charles had become the closest one of all. His brother.

And he couldn't lose him.

"That's what they want us to do. Turning against each other. But we are brothers. We want the same thing, Charles."

Tears welled up in the professor's eyes and made the blue almost fluorescent.

"Oh, my friend. I am sorry, but we do not." Charles answered, his breath hitching from the pain. He clenched his jaw and looked right into Eric's eyes. The regret he saw there was raw and pure. Sometimes he could read his friend's thoughts without his telepath ability just like an open book.

It had been like this back at the mansion when he had accessed the brightest part of Eric's memories. Every emotion the man felt had been written all over his face. It seemed a lifetime ago, the two of them standing outside on the terrace, Eric trying to move the satellite. And even after all that happened Charles was still convinced that there was some good in his friend. Even after he had shot him, Charles would be glad to help Eric and show him the kindness, the empathy and the fine humor that lay buried deep in his best friend's soul.

But he was afraid that he wouldn't get the chance to do this. Eric had his plans and he was corrupted by his angry and evil thoughts. He actually thought of himself as a monster and he saw no way out of this for himself. On top of that he was still wearing this stupid helmet so Charles had no access to his thoughts. Eric would leave. They were never going to sort this out between them.

Charles' answer echoed in Eric's head.

_"I am sorry, but we do not." _

No, they didn't, did they. He wanted to make sure that history wouldn't repeat itself. That mankind never enslaved certain people again just because of their genes. He wanted to prevent that mutants would become mere numbers like he did, during the Nazi regime. He would fight for their rights and freedom. Charles just wanted... Yeah, what was it that Charles wanted? Certainly not enslavement for his kind. Eric was sure of that. Charles was the one who cared the most about what happened with other mutants. That's why he and Eric had searched for them. Also to satisfy the CIA and prevent a war but mostly because he wanted to let others know about their abilities and their real personalities. Who they were supposed to be. How to use and control their powers. Hell, Charles had even taught **him** how to manage his ability and here he was thinking that his friend didn't care about what happened to the mutant society. That was ridiculous, wasn't it?

Charles had closed his eyes and focused on his ragged breathing. The pain was getting stronger and he was beginning to feel the effects of blood loss. But those weren't the only reasons why he concentrated so hard and tried to block out everything else. Any time now Eric would release his hold on him, lay him down and back off. He would leave; that was for sure. But the moments passed and nothing happened. A spark of hope ignited in Charles chest despite of all the pain and he opened his eyes to look at Eric. And there it was. Doubt was lingering in those grey-green eyes which were fixed on something only his friend could see.

"Eric." Charles voice brought him back to reality and their eyes locked. "Take off that helmet. Let me..." He struggled for air and Eric readjusted the hold on his friends neck and head so he could breathe more easily. "Let me help you." he finished, brought a hand up and placed it on Eric's shoulder. "You know I can do that." Eric took the hand and put it back on his lap. He didn't answer and Charles thought he had lost the fight. But after a short moment, with one hand still supporting Charles, Eric pulled the grey helmet from his head.

He sensed the telepath's presence in his mind immediately although it wasn't nearly as strong as usual. Charles' ability was weakened by his condition but still he managed to get a good insight into Eric's recent thoughts.

As he scanned through his friends thoughts Charles found things he hadn't dared to hope for. He sensed Eric's struggle about either following his rage and wrath or doing something which nobody had ever taught him to do: showing mercy and trying to understand before drawing conclusions.

The spark of hope in Charles chest became a flame and he focused on that warm feeling inside him trying to forget about the very evident pain. Mobilizing every last ounce of strength he had left he sent an image into Eric's mind. It was something like a flash of pictures that suddenly came into his mind. He saw himself in front of a school class, judging by the desks and the pupils sitting behind them and facing him. Then he saw Charles and himself playing chess in the professor's study, Charles laughing and sipping at a glass of wine. Next, he wandered through the mansion, sunlight floating through the windows and he could actually feel the calm, almost drowsy atmosphere of a late summer afternoon, feeling completely appease with himself and the world. The pictures and feelings ceased as fast as they'd come and he focused his gaze once more on Charles' face.

"It's going to take time, hard work, some long and unpleasant conversation and probably some more things which I can't think of right now. But Eric, ... I will help you to feel that peace of mind you just experienced. I **will**." Charles stopped and gasped for air. But he couldn't stop right now. He had to say this. "You know we can do that. Contrary... to what you've always thought... You've got...you've got a choice on what you want to do with your life. Don't waste this chance. Please, brother." he whispered.

Charles couldn't talk anymore. He had used his last strength and now the pain took over. He wanted to close his eyes and go to sleep. But he struggled to keep his eyes open even if he couldn't focus on Eric's face because he was waiting for an answer.

Tears pooled in Eric's eyes when he heard Charles calling him 'brother'. He had betrayed, beat and shot the man lying in his arms right now and still he was willing to help him. Trying to make **him** feel better where it should be his, Eric's, part to reassure Charles that everything was going to be okay. How could he have been so blind? So egoistic and self-righteous? He had had a best friend, a brother in Charles and considered the rest of their team his friends. For the first time in his life he hadn't been lonely and here he was throwing it all away. His body trembled with the realization and the shock that he might never get this back. But Charles had promised that they would find a way, that they would pull through.

And he believed him. So there was really just one thing to do.

"Charles?" he croaked, noticing that his friend's eyes weren't focused and fearing that he had slipped into unconsciousness. However, Charles' head moved a little as if he was trying to alert himself to what Eric was going to say now and his eyes focused on him wearily.

"I'm sorry. Oh my god! I...god, I'm so sorry, Charles. I didn't mean to..." Tears ran down Eric's cheeks and his voice hitched and trembled with emotions. "I never wanted to... Oh god. I am so sorry!" He pulled Charles closer to his own body, pressing his forehead against his friend's repeating the words over and over. Charles felt the turmoil of Eric's feelings through their connection. The remorse, the pain, the regret, the agony and most obviously the guilt. But he could also sense a tiny glimpse of hope and that fact made him smile slightly. "It's all right, Eric. I forgive you."

That was the moment when he couldn't stay awake anymore and darkness and sweet oblivion took him.

**Thx for reading. I would really like to know what you think about this so please leave a review ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two is up. Hopefully there will be more but I'm not sure yet. This story had about 200 hits and only three reviews :'( I could really do with some more reviews since this is my first fanfic ever and I never believed it but reviews ****do ****make the world go round ;)**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2**

_I forgive you._

Those three little words still echoing in his mind, Eric felt Charles' body finally going limp in his arms, pain and exhaustion taking over.

_I forgive you._

He hadn't dared to hope for those words and now that he had heard them he knew he didn't really deserved them. If this had happened to him he wouldn't be able to forgive. But Charles...

God, he'd always been the better man.

Eric brought his forehead down once again to touch Charles'.

"Maybe you do. But I won't be able to forgive myself, Charles. Never."

He brought his head back up, tore his gaze away from the relaxed features of his friend's face and looked over to the group of mutants standing a couple of yards away. Moira had joined them and they were all staring transfixed at the scene playing out in front of them. When Eric looked up they could see the tears running down his guilt-ridden face and he didn't seem able to focus his eyes on any of them.

"Help me, please."he croaked just loud enough for them to hear him.

That was all he could say. As they rushed over, Hank and Alex still holding Azazel Eric knew they didn't trust. He could sense the suspicion and anger. They were just coming for Charles, of course, and most likely they would tell him to leave or even take him prisoner like Azazel. He was a hundred percent sure that the others didn't want him to be close to Charles ever again. Understandably after what he'd done.

"Eric, stay where you are." Hank told him, when he saw that Eric attempted to let go of Charles and back away from the group. The blue mutant knelt down beside them, leaving it to Alex and Sean to hold Azazel.

The German froze in his motions, a confused look on his face, and eased back into his former position, supporting Charles' head and neck.

"I heard what he told you. That doesn't mean I trust you but right now Charles needs all of us. So we will discuss this later. We clear?" Hank asked, while already examining the professor. Eric gave the doctor a curt nod. "Absolutely."

"What's wrong with him?" Raven asked, her fear resonating in every word. She didn't dare moving any closer. She knew she couldn't bare seeing Charles like this.

"The bullet Eric deflected hit his spine." Hank answered making it clear that he thought it was all Eric's fault. The other mutant didn't argue about that; he knew Hank was right.

"Can you help him, Hank?" Moira asked taking a step closer but staying as far away from Eric as possible.

The blue mutant shook his head. "Not here. I can tell that his spine has been severely damaged by that bullet but not to what extent. We need to get him to a hospital. Preferably one that's specialized on neurosurgery."

"But how?" Alex asked." Where at a bloody beach somewhere on Cuba! And I doubt that they will help us." He pointed at the battleships that were currently retreating." He's seen to that." The youngster jerked his head in Eric's direction his expression showing anger and distrust. Sean nodded in agreement and approached Eric who still knelt in the sand cradling Charles' upper body in his lap.

"Yeah, Alex is right. Why are you still here, anyways? You're the reason he's been injured. You really should -."

Hank raised his paw." Stop it, Sean. Eric won't leave us. We will discuss this later."

"Yes, sir." Sean said, he and Alex still eying Eric suspiciously. Hank sighed. "I think there is a way to get us where we want to go." He looked over to Azazel."You will take us. And if you're not taking us exactly where I tell you to, you're going to regret it." he said and snarled.

"Do you think this is a good idea?" Moira asked tentatively.

"It's our only chance to get away from here quickly and not having to move Charles. It's essential that we keep him immobilized as best as we can to prevent further damage to his spine." Hank explained and

"So what are we waiting for?" Raven asked impatiently. "He's not getting better the longer we stay here."

The others nodded in agreement and Hank focused his grim stare once again on the red mutant.

"If you follow my instructions and take us safely to where I tell you, you'll be free to go afterwards. I promise."

Azazel seemed to think about this offer for some moments but it was obvious that he would agree. He didn't want to stay their prisoner any longer.

"Alright." he said and shrugged nonchalantly. "If that's what you want... I need all of you to hold on to someone else. We have to be connected through touch otherwise it won't work." He turned to Hank. "I think you want to have a hold on me, right?" He offered his hand which the blue mutant clasped a little tighter than necessary. "Damn right."

While Moira and the guys also took each other's hands Hank turned to Eric. He hadn't said a word during their conversation. Hadn't visibly reacted even when Alex and Sean had blamed him for their current situation. He had just sat there staring at the still form of Charles's body in his arms blocking out everything else, clearly in a shock.

"Eric?" Hank asked cautiously. When the German didn't respond he tried again a little more urgent this time. "Eric?"

The grey-green eyes focused on Hank as Eric turned his face towards him. "I want you to stay exactly like this while we're travelling. I'm going to help you support him but as I have to keep an eye on Azazel you'll have to do the main part. Alright?"

Eric simply nodded and then strengthened his hold on Charles. When they were all linked through touch Hank laid his free paw on Charles' back to steady his injured spine. He gave everyone a short look before he told Azazel the location of a Neurologic Clinic near New York City. The devilish mutant closed his eyes and with a puff and some smoke they left the beach behind. A split second later the group rematerialized just outside a hospital near the emergency room entrance.

"Is this where you wanted to go?" Azazel asked. Hank shook his head slightly not used to the effect of being transported some thousand miles within seconds. He took in their surroundings. The huge white-greyish building, ambulances arriving and leaving, the name 'John Taub Hospital' just above the main entrance. "Yes. Thank you." The red mutant nodded once then vanished into thin air. Hank quickly checked on Charles. Eric was holding the unconscious man in exactly the same position as he had done on the beach and Hank made sure the journey hadn't done anything to worsen his condition.

"We need to get him inside." It was the first time that Eric had spoken up without being asked to do so. He glanced around as if looking for someone to help him but Azazel had taken them to a quiet part of the hospital gardens where no-one would see their odd kind of arrival.

"Yes, but we have to alert the paramedics. If we carry him inside ourselves we will do more damage to his spine." Hank looked over to Moira. "I think it's best if you go. You're a CIA agent and if you show your badge they won't ask questions. At least not now."

"Okay, I'll go. But Hank..."She hesitated not sure how to say this without sounding rude.

"I know, Moira. I know that I can't let anybody see me right now." He sighed in frustration. "I'll drive back to the mansion, take the kids with me and then I'll come back in the evening. There should be less traffic in there by then." he said glancing at the hospital.

Moira nodded once and ran off to alert the paramedics. Eric stayed with Charles while Hank turned down the protests of the kids, saying that they wanted to stay with the professor, Raven being the most adamant.

"I know you want to stay, but it's not going to help him if we draw so much attention to his situation. You will see him, but not tonight." Hank told them.

"We can't leave the professor with **him**!" Alex exclaimed gesturing towards Eric whose head shot up at this statement.

"Charles forgave him." Hank just said now clearly losing his patience. Moira could be back any second. There wasn't time for arguing. The youngsters gave him a startled look not believing what they'd just heard. "He forgave Eric and I told you we will discuss this matter later. Now, off you go!" The kids took off through the garden and with one last look on Eric and Charles, Hank followed them.

Not half a minute later Moira returned with two paramedics carrying a stretcher. One of them switched positions with Eric so they had better access to the injured man. The mutant left Charles side only reluctantly. He wanted to be by his side but he also knew that he would hinder the medics if he stayed where he was. He took a few steps into Moiras direction although staying a couple of feet away from her, both of them being unable to help, watching how the medics treated the injured professor.

They checked his vitals, gave him an injection of painkillers and then carefully put him into a neck brace. With Eric's help they lay Charles down on the stretcher and wheeled him off into the emergency room to do some more testing. When the doors closed behind his friend, Eric just stood there staring at them as if trying to see through the frosted glass.

'Charles will be alright.' he told himself but deep down he knew that it wasn't that easy. When he had removed the bullet he'd seen how deformed the peace of metal had been. A clear indication that the projectile had hit the bones of Charles' spine and with such a severe damage there was a good chance that his friend would be...

"Eric?" Moira's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He turned around and saw her taking some hesitant steps into his direction.

"The doctor told me we should wait over there." She gestured towards the waiting room at the other side of the hall. "So they can find us when the have a diagnosis."

She waited for an answer but Eric was just staring at her. Moira didn't like the fact that she had been left alone with him although it had been her who suggested that Hank should go and take the kids with him. She wasn't sure why Eric was still here. In her opinion he had made it perfectly clear back on the beach that he didn't share Charles' view on how the mutant society should live. He had wanted war against humans and in the process of getting it he'd injured Charles and nearly killed her.

Nevertheless... He was still here, obviously really worried about Charles and his condition. She had seen enough people in a state of shock to recognize the symptoms with Eric. Moira doubted that he was a threat to her safety right now and so she gathered her courage, put a hand on his elbow and guided him towards one of the many chairs in the waiting room.

When he felt Moira touching his arm and leading him through the room he was glad that she told him what to do because at this very moment he didn't know what to do with himself. He sat down into a chair beside her and stared at the pictures on the opposite wall.

Nearly an hour later when Eric had become quite sure that they were two Monets, a Turner and a Manet, no originals of course, Moira rose from her chair next to him. Eric looked around and saw a man in his late forties wearing a withe lab coat coming over.

"Miss McTaggart, Mr. Lehnherr. My name is Dr. Hill." he said while Moira shook his hand and Eric barely nodded, immediately asking: "How is Charles?"

Dr. Hill sighed." Why don't we go into my office and have a little talk?"

**I'm not quite sure what the diagnosis will be like... Maybe you've got some ideas how to do it.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh my god! You are amazing, folks! I really loved your feedback and I'm humbled by your interest in my story. Sorry, if this chapter isn't exactly what you wanted. To my own defense: this was already in my head before I read the reviews. Hope you gonna like it anyways ;) **

**Chapter 3**

As Eric took a seat on the other chair next to Moira's in Dr. Hill's office he thought about how he'd sworn never to enter a doctor's office again after what had happened with Shaw. But here he was and again it was his doing that brought him to this place.

In 1944 the reason for that had been the effects of his rage after being separated from his mother.

A deformed metal fence.

Now it was the effect of his rage against humans and the consequences were far more severe.

He'd injured his best friend.

And he was about to find out to what extent.

"Well, I don't like to play things down." Dr. Hill started after he'd sat down behind his desk and given them a serious look.

"The bullet that accidently hit Mr. Xavier, as you told me, Miss McTaggart, has shattered two bones of his spine. Chip fractures are always dangerous because the splinters could move inside his spinal cord and worsen his condition. Therefor we would like to do a surgery as soon as possible to remove the splinters and prevent further damage. Do you agree with that?"

Moira nodded slowly as though she was in a trance. "Yes, I do. Please, do everything you can to help him."

"We will." Dr. Hill promised and now looked at Eric. "Mr. Lehnsherr?"

Eric had lost track of the diagnosis after Hill had said that Charles' spine was shattered, just hearing bits and pieces.

_Shattered._

Somehow he'd known and now he also knew that the surgery wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't help to knit the spinal cord back together, to undo the damage of that bullet.

Charles would be paralyzed. Even if the doctor hadn't yet told them Eric knew this was going to be the verdict. He was the reason why Charles Xavier would probably never be able to walk again.

'What have I done?' he thought. 'How did it come to this?'

"Mr. Lehnsherr?" Eric tore his gaze away from the wooden panels on the floor to meet Dr. Hill's questioning eyes. "Do you agree with the surgery?"

Eric gulped down the lump in his throat. "Yes."

Dr. Hill gave both of them a short encouraging smile. "The procedure won't take that long. In about three and a half hours I will be back to give you the final diagnosis."

Back in the waiting room Eric found it impossible to just sit down and wait. His thoughts and emotions were in turmoil and he needed some time alone to sort things out.

Because this one day had changed everything.

Moira watched Eric leave and wondered where he was going. Shortly after they'd left Dr. Hill's office he told her he needed some fresh air but that he would be back in three hours. Just in time to receive Charles' diagnosis with her.

However she was sure that Eric already knew what they would tell them. Just like her.

Moira sighed and closed her eyes. She was exhausted both physically and mentally and didn't want to think about anything. Not about Eric and his strange change of behavior, not about Charles being in surgery right at this moment, not about the almost certain third world war they had prevented, but at a terrible price. She wanted to think nothing, just sit here and take a short nap for an hour or so.

'I just hope Charles is alright.' She thought before she drifted off to sleep.

Eric wandered through the streets without destination. People passed him by, staring at him because he still wore one of the suits Hank made for them. He didn't give a damn about how he looked right now. He took in his surroundings; the noises of the big city, the lights and the smells… everything that kept his thoughts at bay and stopped them from going back into the hospital or to that beach.

Charles was maybe half an hour into surgery now and Eric tried his best not to picture his best friend lying on an operation table, hooked up to IV's and tubes and cables. There wouldn't be any complications, he was sure of that. After all, Charles was only in his late twenties and quite fit. No, the surgery wouldn't be a problem. But after that….

He couldn't picture Charles in a wheelchair.

It was just impossible.

Charles was always so full of energy and liveliness, doing a lot of stupid things like jumping off that boat without thinking about the dangers for himself and stopping Eric from trying to raise a submarine. Going for a run with Hank in the gardens knowing that he couldn't win.

Slamming himself into his friend trying to save hundreds of lives and preventing a war.

'That's just not fair.' Eric thought angrily and some of the metallic lamp posts down the street rattled. But life had never been fair to him and now that fact seemed to rub off on Charles, too.

He looked up from the pavement he had fixed during his walk and suddenly realizing where his feet had carried him he entered the Empire State Building and took the elevator to the top floor.

Out there he leaned his body against the balustrade, placing his elbows on top of it and looking down, his emotions still in a complete mess.

A few hours ago when he had turned the missiles against the ships wanting to destroy every human being on board he had only felt rage, anger and hatred. Feeling those things was so easy for him because he had been brought up with them. It was so much easier then feeling compassion or love.

But all those corrupting emotions had left him, drained away when he heard the bullet hit Charles and his cry of pain. He hadn't been angry anymore only confused not knowing how to feel apart from guilty.

Maybe it was because Charles had accessed his brightest memory. One Eric himself couldn't remember. It seemed so long ago now that day on the terrace, Charles showing him the point between rage and serenity. Giving him something Eric hadn't hoped to find anymore.

Happiness.

Charles had looked into his soul and seen the possibility of Eric becoming a better man not fueled by anger and pain. Charles had told him that there was so much more to him than he knew that there was still hope for him to overcome his past.

And he had meant every word, believing it, despite the fact that he also knew everything about the horrors Eric had gone through as a child and a young teenager.

Charles had believed in him. Still did judging by the fact that he had forgiven him.

Suddenly his future became crystal-clear to Eric.

He wanted to become the man Charles had seen inside him. Not just for himself but also for his friend.

After all that had happened he owned him that.

'And with Charles' help I am damn sure that I can do it.' Eric thought and raised his head enjoying the wind cooling his hot face.

'Let's just hope he still wants to help you after he heard what you've done to him.' A small voice in the back of his head replied.

Eric knew there was a good chance that Charles maybe never wanted to see him again after he got his diagnosis. He wouldn't blame him if he did. But if he still wanted to talk to him, to see him again maybe they would be able to rebuild their relationship.

That decision had yet to be made.

Probably not today or tomorrow, Eric thought as he took the elevator down to street level but in the next few days and there was no denying that he was anxious about it.

When he got back to the hospital he found Moira fast asleep in her chair in the waiting room. The day had clearly taken its toll on her and not just that, he realized with a pang of guilt when he saw the thin bruises on her neck and throat.

Eric fell into the chair beside her and started to stare at the paintings on the opposite wall once again.

Three hours and fifty-two minutes after they had left his office Dr. Hill re-entered the waiting room and Eric woke Moira as the doctor made his way towards them. Not a minute later the two of them had resumed their places in front of his desk waiting for the surgeon to give them the news.

"I have some good news and some bad news to tell you." Dr. Hill started. "Good news first.

The surgery went really well. We were able to remove all splinters from the wound and stabilized the fractures with two small stainless steel bars and four screws. It'll help taking the pressure off the injured area of the spine." The doctor sighed before he continued.

"And now the bad news. The bullet shattered vertebras Th11 and Th10 and the spinal cord inside them has been completely severed. I'm afraid I have to tell you that Mr. Xavier is paralyzed from the waist down. He will most probably never be able to walk again."

Moira closed her eyes and buried her head in her hands. Eric just stared at the doctor.

"How are the chances that he will?" he asked.

"Slim to none." The doctor answered. "You could just as easily win the lottery."

Eric clenched his jaw muscles. Well, there _had _been people winning the lottery. Why not Charles?

Dr. Hill seemed to notice Eric's resistance accepting the truth. "Mr. Lehnsherr, I don't want to talk anything up. This chance we're talking about is only theoretical. Do you understand?"

And Eric did understand. It was just his own wishful thinking and the doctors couldn't say that they were a hundred percent sure because what if some kind of miracle happened and Charles would be able to walk again? Then he could sue the hospital.

No, Charles would be paralyzed. Permanently.

There was nothing he could do to change that.

Moira finally looked up, her face stained with tears. "Can we see him?"

Dr. Hill nodded. "Yes. I'll get someone to take you there." After he'd called for a nurse he stood up and said: "We will talk about everything else tomorrow. I think that's quite enough information for one day."

Moira and Eric rose too and the woman held out her hand to the doctor.

"Thanks for your help, doctor." He took her hand and smiled slightly. "You're welcome, Miss McTaggart."

After shaking Eric's hand he left them in his office waiting for the nurse who should be there any moment.

"You're not as shocked as I'd thought." Eric said with a quiet voice. Moira shrug her shoulders.

"I think I knew what we were going to hear. There wasn't really another option. You knew it too, didn't you?"

The silence that followed was answer enough. Just as she began to wonder how long Eric had known it there was a soft knock on the door and the nurse entered.

They followed her through the corridors at some point entering the ICU section where Charles lay after his surgery. They stopped in front of ICU room number four and the nurse handed them two sterile blue lab coats.

"Don't worry." She said as they struggled into them. "That's just the basic procedure after this type of surgery. He should be out of here and back on normal station in maybe two or three days."

Moira nodded. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." The nurse replied with a reassuring smile. "Now, just one at a time and only for a couple of minutes. Mr. Xavier needs to rest."

When she had left down the corridor Eric looked at Moira and said: "You go first. I…"

He hesitated not wanting to admit that he needed some time before he could go in. But Moira seemed to understand. She opened the door just a crack and slipped into Charles' room.

Eric waited outside leaning with his back against the cool tiled wall of the corridor. The blinds of the window looking into Charles' room were closed. He couldn't see anything that was happening in there and for now he was glad about that.

He didn't want to see Charles hooked up to all that medical equipment knowing just too well how it felt to be a pin cushion. But he wanted to see for himself that his friend was alright. Or at least as alright as he could be, given the circumstances.

He tried to calm his mind just like Charles had taught him thinking about all the good things that had happened these past weeks.

His standard evening games of chess with Charles.

Helping the kids develop their powers. 'Well, actually you just pushed Sean down that satellite.' he thought and had to smile as he remembered how he'd teased Charles about wanting to do the same.

He remembered their trips to find other mutants, Charles using Cerebro for the first time and –

"Eric?" His eyes snapped open and he saw that Moira was standing in front of him, eyes still red-rimmed and moist.

Nonetheless she tried to give him a smile.

"It's alright; he's still asleep. Just go in there."

Eric nodded. He felt as if moving in slow motion as he grabbed the handle and opened the door, entering the dimly lit room.

**Well, that's it so far. Hopefully I will be able to upload the next chapter tomorrow. Let me know what you think about this; I'd love to get some feedback and suggestions on how this should continue.** **Thx so much, you're just awesome!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I know, I know that I promised to update yesterday…. But a friend asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema and watch X Men: First class with her so I couldn't turn her down, really ;-) **

**Plus, I had a hard time writing this chap since there were some difficult conversations and situations to conquer. I'm still not a hundred percent okay with it but that's the best I could do so far. Again, thx soooooo much for your interest and the reviews. You rock! Hope you enjoy this chapter **

**Chapter 4**

There was just a small light burning right above the head of the white hospital bed. Eric slowly walked towards it noticing a chair that had been pulled up to the bedside and which Moira had probably occupied when she'd been in here. Eric pushed it a little closer to the bed and sat down his gaze now fixed on the man lying in front of him.

Charles was still hooked up to a rather large arrangement of electronic devices monitoring his vitals and body functions.

Eric recognized a heart rate monitor its cables disappearing into the V-neck of Charles' white t-shirt connecting with the electrodes on his chest. An oxygen sensor was attached to his left index finger hooked up to a machine giving it the information required to provide the right mixture of oxygen for the mask that was covering Charles' nose and mouth. The two IV's that were connected to his right arm and hand probably contained painkillers and sedatives.

Eric had propped up his elbow on the armrest of his chair resting his head in one hand just looking at Charles' still form. His friend's features were relaxed but too pale to be called healthy, a few mild cuts on his cheek, the dark hair quiet messy. Lying there in one of those rather large hospital beds between the white sheets and connected to all the medical equipment Charles looked more fragile than Eric could have ever imagined. Until today the professor had always seemed so strong, so determined and enthusiastic to him. Seeing him like this was nearly unbearable for Eric.

'He shouldn't be suffering like this because of me.' he thought.

At this very moment he would have given everything to make them change places. Because it should be him lying in this bed to make up for all the things he'd done today.

Looking at him now the only visible evidence of Charles' spine injury was the back brace he wore stabilizing his torso and whose outlines could be seen through the blanket.

'No, not the only evidence.' Eric thought and frowned. If he concentrated hard enough on his powers he could actually **feel** the two metal bars and the screws attached to his friend's spine. He shuddered involuntarily and focused his mind on something else.

It was hard to imagine how Charles would react when he woke up and learned the truth about the consequences of what had happened back on the beach in Cuba. Eric just hoped that he would give him a chance. He didn't even want forgiveness although Charles had already offered him that; all he wanted was a second chance for them to rebuild their relationship, a chance to trust each other once again.

Eric leaned forward and after hesitating for a little moment put a hand on Charles' arm. After all the horrible things the German had gone through and suffered from during those months with Shaw some twenty years ago he certainly wasn't someone to go looking for another human's touch. It just reminded him of the experiments, Shaw's cold fingers installing cruel instruments that would hurt him and nearly drove him mad. He still found it almost impossible to allow physical contact with another person.

But with Charles it had been different. A physical connection had always strengthened and increased their mental bond; for example when Charles had jumped after him into to stop the other mutant from drowning himself.

He'd been able to pull Eric out of one of his fits of anger which no-one had ever managed before.

The bond, Eric enjoyed so much because through it Charles had shown him a way to calm himself, look beyond all the anger and the pain and experience some rare moments of joy and peace.

Slowly he rose from his chair and sat down on the edge of Charles' bed watching his friend's face one hand still placed on his arm. It really worried him how lost and fragile the telepath looked and Eric brought his gaze to where his hand touched Charles' IV-free arm.

Of course there was no connection of their minds this time. Even without the heavy sedation Charles would have been too weak for something like that right now. But still Eric hoped that some of the emotions pooling out of him would reach his unconscious friend. There was so much he wanted him to know.

That Charles had been the first person in well over twenty years who had been able to put up with him long enough to become friends with him. That he was considering him much more than that. The professor had become the closest person resembling a brother to Eric after he had lost his real one to Holocaust in 1944.

That he had found it comforting that Charles - naturally being a very warm and friendly person - had made it quite clear he would be there if Eric needed a friend to talk to.

He had wanted to talk to the professor-desperately- but didn't know how to bring up the courage to tell someone else about his horrific memories. Even if that certain someone was Charles. And now it maybe was too late.

Eric shook his head to chase away these thoughts. He would think about that when it actually happened. With one hand taking Charles' left and placing the other one on the sleeping man's steadily rising and falling chest he leaned down a little closer.

"Everything is going to be alright, Charles." Eric murmured gently squeezing his friend's hand.

'It has to be.' He added quietly.

Finally not being able to take it anymore he rose rather abruptly and went for the door with long, determined strides. Pushing the handle he darted Charles one last look, left the room and closed the door behind him.

Back out in the corridor he took several deep breaths before getting rid of his blue lab coat realizing he still wore that stupid suit.

'I could really do with some of my clothes right now.' Eric thought. He wanted to get out of this constant reminder of the things that had happened today and get something back he was familiar with.

He was just thinking about calling Hank and telling him to bring some clothes with him when he returned to the hospital in a few hours as the doors at the end of the corridor opened and Moira re-entered the ICU section.

"Hank called. He will be here in about two hours and asks you to wait for him so you guys can have a little chat." she informed Eric who only nodded, a grave expression on his face. He wasn't exactly fond of the prospect of having to talk to Hank but it had to be done nonetheless. He knew that.

"Hank also asked me to tell you that he'll bring some of your clothes with him." Moira added a small smile lingering at the corner of her mouth.

"Will you stay, too?" Eric asked her.

"No. I actually just came back to tell you what Hank said. I've got to go back at least for a day and find out if I still have my job and my apartment after… you know-. "She made a vague gesture. "Everything. Just some stuff humans have to take care about."

He didn't miss the way she emphasized the word 'humans' and when Eric remained silent Moira let out a frustrated sigh.

"I'm sorry. It was a long day and I -."

"Do **not** be sorry." the mutant interrupted angrily, flashing an almost furious look at her that made Moira back a few steps away from him.

"O… Okay. I won't." she finally managed to say turning on her heels and making her way rather quickly towards the frosted glass doors giving a damn about how this would look to Eric.

"Moira."

She absolutely hadn't got the slightest idea why she turned around as he called her but when she did so couldn't help to notice that all the fury had left him. Even across the distance of the corridor she could see the serious expression on his face as he looked at her now.

"I'm sorry."

The auburn-haired woman seemed to consider his words for a few moments then gave him a curt nod of her head.

"I'll be back tomorrow evening." she told Eric as she exited the ICU section

When he heard the doors close again Eric slammed his back into the wall and - leaning against it - slowly collapsed until he sat flat on the cold floor tiles. He would be glad to stay like this forever not having to face the obstacles in front of him, not having to think about how fragile and broken Charles had looked being dependent on all the medical equipment, not having to talk to Hank and the others of the team, not having to watch Charles sitting in a wheelchair, not having to sort out his own bloody, messed up feelings.

He would just stay here embracing the cool, smooth feeling of the tiles and the quiet.

However, that wish was not granted. Hank arrived at the hospital an hour later and after he had sat with Charles for a couple of minutes the two mutants decided to call it a day and agreed on driving back home to the mansion.

With a sigh Eric settled into the passenger seat of the Mercedes grateful that Hank would be driving. He'd changed back into his own clothes; a black turtleneck, beige linen trousers and his favorite brown leather ankle boots. It was such a relief to be out of that suit.

The first ten minutes they spent in silence while Hank maneuvered the car through the heavy city traffic and the German stared out of the window not really seeing the landscape passing by.

As soon as they reached the countryside however, Eric tensed knowing that Hank wanted to talk with him about what had happened today.

"Whoa there, Eric, relax. You're going to turn the car into a piece of scrap." Hank warned sensing the other mutant's discomfort.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to." There it was. Exactly the same words he'd said to Charles.

Hank had seemed to notice the fact too, because he gave Eric a quick look before fixing his eyes back on the road.

"I think we should do the main talking about what happened today with Charles. I just want to know three things. No reasons, just a true answer." he started.

Eric nodded. "Fire away."

"First, do you hold a view with Charles?"

"On staying hidden and living alongside humans? Well, yeah I do." Eric said, raising an eyebrow and giving him a look before he turned his face towards the window again. "Just in case you didn't notice I got a pretty nice demonstration today of what it will be like if we either expose ourselves or fight against humans. Probably not necessary to tell you I didn't _quite_ like the result."

He didn't want to sound sarcastic but since he wasn't sure if he could handle it to discuss this matter seriously sarcasm was a good way to hide his insecurity.

Hank was not offended.

"Alright, second question. If I entrusted you with the kids for some reason - telling you to look after them - would you do it? Would you protect them if they were in danger?"

Eric clenched his jaw muscles thinking about Raven and what the youngsters had done today to make their mission a success. "Of course."

Hank didn't answer and they remained silent while he took the upcoming exit and left the motorway. When they had reached the smaller road he suddenly asked: "If Charles wants you to leave after he heard his diagnosis, if he blames you for what happened and doesn't want you at his side anymore regardless of what he said at the beach…. Would you leave?"

"Is that your third question?" Eric pressed two fingers against the bridge of his nose realizing he was in the process of developing the worst headache ever.

The blue and furry mutant nodded. "Yes."

Closing his eyes it took the other man just a few moments to consider his answer.

"If Charles wants me to go I'll leave." he said running his hands over his tired face. "Are we done with the talking?"

"For now we are."

"Great, because I really need to take a nap." With that Eric leaned back into the seat turning towards the window his back facing Hank.

He tried to calm down and get sleepy but with all those thoughts running through his head - seeing pictures of himself murdering Shaw with the coin, Charles being hit by a bullet, crying out in agony and later in the hospital looking so fragile hooked up to so many tubes and cables - sleep was way out of question.

And when the two mutants arrived at the mansion an hour later and Eric made his way towards his suite he knew that it was going to be a very long and lonely night.

**Okay, so that's it for now. I'm already working on the next chapter but I would like to put in some of your suggestions on how the story should continue. How should Charles react to his diagnosis and what about the indispensable talk between him and Eric?**

**I would really like to know about your opinions so don't forget to review! ;-) **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey there, everyone! Chapter five is finally up and I would like to thank you all for your inventive suggestions on how the story should continue and your encouraging reviews. It did a great deal helping me develop a plot for the upcoming chapters. Speaking of which, chapter six is nearly finished and depending on the feedback, I'll try and update today (**although I still have some work to do for my upcoming politics exams…. uni sucks!).

**Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Chapter 5**

While he walked down the corridor to Charles' room next to Hank, Eric felt completely drained- devoid of any feelings apart from grief and guilt. He hadn't slept at all last night and since the adrenaline had subsided sometime during the morning he simply felt numb.

He hadn't eaten breakfast with the others in the kitchen- just taken some slices of lightly buttered toast and a mug of tea to his room where it had taken him nearly an hour to force everything down. After that he showered and dressed yet by the time he was finished it hadn't even been eleven am.

He had been in his suite for most of the time, wanting to stay isolated - pacing up and down, desperately searching for something to kill the time remaining before he would return to the hospital with Hank that evening. He had ended up in Charles' library trying to concentrate on reading one of the science magazines lying on the coffee table. Needless to say he hadn't really read a thing since he'd just been staring at the chessboard, the pieces still in place. Exactly, where he and Charles had left them after their last game a couple of nights ago.

It had been Raven who found him early in the evening. She had obviously been talking to Hank some moments ago and didn't like what she'd heard.

"I want to go with you. I want to see him, too. He's my brother, for God's sake!" she demanded with an angry look on her face, arms folded across the chest.

Eric looked up from the chessboard placing the magazine back on the table.

"We don't even know if he wakes up today. And if he does he'll be in no condition for a long conversation or to deal with a bunch of people." 'Let alone three teenagers.' he quietly added and rose from his chair. "That's why you, Alex and Sean will stay here."

"Oh, but you think seeing the man who shot him will make him feel better, don't you?" Raven regretted her words as soon as they'd slipped out.

Eric's jaw was clenched together so tightly, she wondered if his molars were going to shatter. Yet when he spoke his voice remained calm, though it sounded a little forced.

"If Charles wants me to leave I'll go." was all he said. "And now I would prefer to be left alone, if you don't mind."

"I'm sorry Eric. I didn't mean to say that." Raven tried to apologize.

"All you said was true so there's no need for you to be sorry." the metal bender stated in a matter-of-factly voice, his sharp features even. Only the grey-green eyes showed off the guilt and regret he clearly felt.

The blue girl took a step into Eric's direction hesitantly reaching out with one hand.

"Eric, I….." she started, but her whole body began to tremble and then she lost it. "Oh god, I just…. I can't believe that he's…. That he'll be….." With that she closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms tightly around Eric, softly weeping at his chest, her tears falling on his black polo-shirt.

"I know." His voice was rough and a little unsteady as he tried to work around the lump in his throat. He'd scarcely been in a situation like this where someone was taking comfort from him. But still he managed to return Raven's embrace, bringing his cheek to rest on top of her head and gently rocking her back and forth while holding her close.

They stood like this for a while until her tears finally subsided.

Looking up at him a little sheepish, she said: "If he wakes up, please tell him that I miss him terribly and think of him."

"I will." Eric said, watching her leave the library quietly adding: 'If I get the chance to do so.'

He saw Raven halting on the threshold as though she'd read his thoughts.

"Charles won't tell you to leave, Eric." She gave him a reassuring smile. "You mean more to him than anybody else."

A nervous chuckle escaped the other mutant's throat. "Looks like you've learned a few tricks from him."

"No need for tricks here. It's just very obvious that you were thinking about his reaction."

Entering the ICU section was what brought him back to the present. Hank was already struggling with the blue lab coats since he needed two of them to cover his tall and broad appearance.

Shrugging the brown leather jacket off his shoulders Eric followed the other mutant's example and then entered Charles' room, Hank right behind him carrying a second chair he placed beside the bed. The two mutants settled into them and Eric studied the telepath lying between the sheets closely.

Charles looked different than he'd done yesterday. The heart rate monitor and the IV's were still in place but although remaining sedated and fast asleep he wasn't so frightening pale anymore. Eric was relieved to see that his friend apparently also no longer needed the oxygen mask helping him to breathe. But still…

"He looks so small and lost." Hank whispered-more to himself than to Eric who answered nonetheless because he'd just thought the same.

"Yes, he does."

They didn't talk anymore, both men following their own thoughts until half an hour later Moira joined them.

"I've just talked to Dr. Hill." she said, walking over to where they sat. "They will take Charles off the sedatives in a couple of minutes so he should be awake in maybe an hour or something. The doctor said he will give him his diagnosis tomorrow and asked if one of us could be here when he does. Oh, and Hank, I told him about you and your… special situation. Nobody will ask any questions and you can visit Charles whenever you like."

The furry mutant raised his eyebrows in curiosity. "I'm not going to ask how you managed that."

"And I won't tell you. Let's just say I can be pretty persuasive." she said, giving him a wink.

Some minutes later a nurse came in and went over to Charles' side. After releasing him from one of the IV drips and placing a small gauze pad over the entry wound she gave him an injection into the remaining IV drip. "He should be awake in about half an hour. I'll come back later to check on him. And you don't have to wear the lab coats anymore they're just a precaution for the first twenty-four hours after surgery."

When the door had closed behind her and they had taken off their coats Moira and Hank began to talk quietly with each other, their words not reaching Eric's ears. He looked at Charles' still form and realized that he had no idea what to say or do when his friend woke up or how the young professor would react to seeing Eric.

'So you think, seeing the man who shot him will make him feel better?' Suddenly remembering Raven's angry words he rose from his chair. It would be the best if he wasn't in this room when Charles woke up. After all, if he wanted to see him, Moira or Hank could fetch him.

"Eric, where are you going?" Moira asked when she noticed that he was about to leave the room.

"I'm going for a coffee."

"But Charles will -." she started, but the metal bender had already left.

"Let him go." Hank said, seeing Moira's confused expression. "He'll come back when he's ready."

"I still don't really know what to think of him." she said shaking her head a little, taking Eric's deserted seat and then placed her right hand on Charles' left.

"Who does, apart from Raven?"

Looking at the professor's handsome face, Moira thought: 'Well, I hope _he _does.'

They had waited well over half an hour for Charles to wake up – talking only occasionally - when Moira let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm going to look for Eric. No-one can take that long to go for a coffee."

She was about to let go of Charles' hand and stand up when she felt his fingers twitch beneath hers.

"Charles?" she asked cautiously, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Hank also focused his attention on the professor now, sitting bolt upright in his chair.

The first thing Charles felt coming to himself was the dull but throbbing pain. He let out a soft groan of discomfort and slowly shook his head, pressing his temples against the soft pillow to get rid of the rather massive headache. He heard someone call his name and tried to focus his sluggish mind on that voice to block out the pain not only coming from his head he slowly realized but also from somewhere in his back.

"Charles, can you hear me?" That was Moira's voice and the moment the meaning of that thought reached his mind Charles struggled to open his eyes. When he did so the light only added to his discomfort, worsening the headache. His vision was blurry and he couldn't focus on the dark shadow beside him.

Moira noticed that, although he'd opened his eyes, his gaze was still unfocused. She leaned down a little closer placing her other hand on his chest.

The startling blue eyes blinked rapidly before suddenly snapping into focus and when he recognized her the corners of his mouth twitched in an attempt to smile. "Hey there." he said with some effort, his voice hardly audible.

"Hey there to you, too." she answered, lightly touching his cheek before settling back into her chair.

He felt her fingertips brushing over the side of his face lightly before she sat back into a chair she'd pulled up to his bed. Now that his vision had cleared a bit the light wasn't so bright anymore and he could make out another figure in a chair beside Moira's. Judging by the size of it there was only one person he could think of.

"Is that… Is that you, Hank?" Charles asked, noticing how sore and dry his throat was.

The blue mutant had to smile. "Of course, professor." he said, reaching for the table behind him and handing Moira a glass of water for Charles.

She held the glass out to him. "You want some?"

Licking his dry lips he answered. "Yes, please."

Moira placed one hand under his neck helping him to take some small, careful sips then sat the glass down on the nightstand and eased back into her chair. "Thanks." Charles said, feeling much more alert now and glanced around the room. Taking in the sterile, off-white look of it, the drawn blinds and the available medical equipment he came to the conclusion that he was lying on an ICU station and for the first time he noticed the IV drip connecting with his right hand and the cables coming out from under his shirt leading to a monitor right beside the bed.

Charles frowned. Why was he-?

He had to close his eyes from the sudden rush in which all the memories returned to him- Eric killing Shaw making him witness it while controlling the man, Erik turning the missiles at the humans on those boats, he launching himself into Eric to stop him, Moira shooting at the metal bender, Eric deflecting the bullets in such a nonchalantly way and then -.

Charles sucked in a ragged breath, his features contorting, as he remembered the pain and the shock of being hit by that bullet.

"Charles, is everything okay? Do you need something for the pain?" Hank asked, clearly worried when he saw the agony on the telepath's face. But Charles shook his head, struggling to shake off the after-effects of the memory and trying to focus on the rather urgent questions welling up inside his head now.

"No. No, I'm … quite alright, Hank." Doing the best to smooth his features, he asked: "Are we still on Cuba?"

"No, this is a hospital on the outskirts of New York. Azazel took us here after…." Moira's voice trailed off as she made a vague gesture not knowing what to say.

"He did?" Charles was surprised that Shaw's former employee had agreed on that.

"Well, it turned out that I can be quite convincing if I have to." Hank explained with a smile that faltered a little when he asked: "Charles, do you…. Do you remember what happened? Why you are here?"

A sigh escaped the young professor's lips. "Because one of the bullets hit me."

Hank nodded nervously. "Yes, but do you-."

"Where is Eric?" the other man cut him off, looking around the room as if to make sure, the German wasn't hiding anywhere.

"Is he here?"

**So far, this is it. The next chapter will contain the actual talk between Charles and Eric. Hope you enjoyed it. And remember, depending on if you want to read more, I'll do my best to update today ;)**

**Thx so much for reading! :-***


	6. Chapter 6

**OMG, I am soooooo sorry guys! I really tried to update this chapter yesterday. Judging by all your wonderful reviews and comments you would definitely have deserved to chapters a day. But since the work for my politics presentation was rather extensive and my brother and his girlfriend came around, too….. It was just impossible. But as a try to make things up, this chap is about twice as long as my usual ones. Hope you will enjoy it nonetheless! **

**Chapter 6**

_Where is Eric?_

That was the only question Charles was interested in right now. With all the memories of the recent event swirling around in his head he needed to see him – desperately. They had to talk things over.

"He said he wanted to go for a coffee." Moira checked her watch and frowned. "He really should be back by now."

"Would I ask too much from you to go and find him? I'm afraid that I'm not in full control of my abilities at the moment." he explained, knowing that mind-talking Eric back here was simply out of question. "I would like to talk to him."

Although, Charles wasn't sure if he felt up to it already, still being in a measurable amount of pain and not yet thoroughly able to use his ability - which he would certainly need if they were going to have a conversation about what happened.

"Sure, I'll be right back." the auburn-haired woman said and left the room. Charles closed his eyes while he was waiting for her to return with the other mutant. He hoped that feigning some sort of doze would stop Hank from raising the topic again of why he was in hospital.

Because even if he wasn't able to read minds at the moment, he had unintentionally picked up some of Hank's and Moira's poorly concealed thoughts and what he'd seen there frightened him more than he could tell.

On hearing the sound of footsteps approach in the corridor he hurriedly pushed those thoughts aside and opened his eyes, trying to calm and focus his mind for what was about to happen. A few moments later the door opened.

Charles saw Eric - wearing a black polo-shirt and black slacks - freeze right on the threshold when the metal bender realized the other man had raised his head from the pillow and was looking at him. Their eyes locked and although Charles felt the atmosphere growing tense and uneasy immediately, seeing Eric was as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his chest. He was relieved that the older mutant had stayed.

Greeting him with a nod, he quietly said: "Please come in, Eric."

'Well, here we go.' Eric thought, taking three hesitant steps into the room not daring to come any closer. Did Charles want to talk or had he just sent for him to tell him to leave?

Imagining, that this was maybe going to be their final talk and the end of their friendship, nearly made him turn around and leave the room again.

"Hank, could you… give us a few minutes, please?" the telepath asked not taking his eyes off the man who'd just entered.

"Sure." Hank gave Charles' shoulder a gentle squeeze before he left the ICU.

When the door closed behind the blue mutant Eric still didn't move. He just stood there not knowing if he should come closer. If Charles even _wanted _him to come any closer. Moira hadn't said what they had already told him.

"I never thought you were fond of coffee." Charles' calm and gentle voice pulled him out of his thoughts and brought his attention back to the man lying in the bed in front of him.

"You're right I'm not."

The telepath raised an eyebrow questioningly. "So why did you tell Moira to go for one?"

Seriously confused about how this conversation started off, but also glad that Charles obviously didn't wanted him to leave, Eric shrugged as nonchalantly as possible, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"It was just a phrase, I guess, because I had a tea."

Charles nodded thoughtfully. He could sense Eric's discomfort - mirrored by his short answers - even without reading his mind and knew he had to do something to make this less awkward. He had to show him that he wanted to talk. Frowning, the young professor concentrated more than ever to project some words into the other man's head.

"_Please Eric, come over and take a seat." _

Closing his eyes for a little moment Eric tried to enjoy what he'd heard and felt as best as he could. He was stunned to hear Charles' voice in his head again, for he had believed his friend too weak to use his ability so shortly after waking up.

Feeling him touch his mind was something Eric had treasured since the night in Miami when their thoughts had connected for the first time and he had enjoyed every other occasion it had happened since. He didn't know how much he'd missed it until he experienced that unique sensation now.

It was a gesture of trust and affection from Charles.

The fist, clenched around his heart loosened a little and he found it in him to move towards the chairs into Charles' direction.

While he slowly walked over, Eric studied the other man closely. His friend's face was calm and open yet his eyes showed off the pain he clearly was in. Sitting down, the metal bender realized how good it felt to be able to look into those bright azure eyes again. It calmed his restless mind taking away some of the anxiousness just like the projection of Charles' thoughts had done a few moments ago.

"How do you feel?" Eric asked, settling into a chair.

Charles' lips curved into a half-smile. "As if a train wreck had hit me. But otherwise I'm quite okay." When he saw Eric didn't return the smile he said: "It's good to see you, Eric."

'_Really, Charles?_' The metal bender thought. '_Or is that just a lovely phrase?_'

Although he didn't say it out loud, the professor could read the answer from the German's taut-drawn and haunted-looking features reflecting the guilt and regret he obviously felt.

"Well, it's certainly also good to have you back." Eric finally answered.

Trying to avoid the tipsy situation the younger man changed subjects. "How are the kids?"

"They're fine. Raven's looking after the boys and she asked me to tell you that she misses you terribly."

Seeing the picture of a blue and smiling Raven in his mind's eye, Charles suddenly felt sad.

"Thanks for telling me."

They remained quiet for some time, after their conversation had led into a dead-end again. Talking about trivialities apparently wasn't improving their situation; the really important questions had yet to be asked hovering between them. But finally Eric couldn't take it anymore.

"Charles, we…. We need to talk." he burst out. "About what happened at the beach."

The young professor sighed heavily. "Yes, we do, my friend. We do."

"Do you want me to go? I know, what you told me back there, but I'm not sure if you still - ." He trailed off.

"Do you want me to leave?" Eric asked again, although Charles using the term 'friend' had given him some unexpected hope. Still he thought it best to ask this question first, because if the telepath said 'yes', everything would be over. He would go, for Charles had every right to ask him to leave and never to return.

"No, I don't." Charles said firmly. "I want you to tell me what happened after our conversation at the beach. Moira told me that Azazel brought us here."

Eric nodded and began to fill the younger man in on the events that happened after he became unconscious. And as he did so his barely contained emotions created pictures in Charles' head, making him experience what had happened during the last two days through the German's eyes.

Every now and then however, in between the pictures that matched Eric's story he saw a picture that was somehow out of place of the storyline and it was always showing the same.

Him sitting in a wheelchair.

It was exactly what he'd seen in Moira's and Hank's thoughts, too.

Charles squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm down as his thoughts began to go crazy.

'This is not happening. This is not…. Please, don't do this to me. Dear god, I don't want to be stuck like that forever. I can't take –'

"Charles?"

Realizing that Eric had stopped talking he opened his eyes again and met the questioning grey-green gaze with his own azure one.

Eric had to tell him the verdict, Charles decided. After all, he was one of the main reasons why he'd ended up with a bullet in his back, so he would fill him in on the consequences. That was only fair.

When he spoke his voice sounded strained, betraying only the faintest bit of anxiousness.

"I want you to tell me why I ended up here. Why did it have to be this particular hospital?" Charles' piercing-blue eyes stared at him and Eric dropped his gaze to the floor coming to realize something. During their whole conversation up until now Charles had been remarkably calm and self-controlled. He knew there had been something odd about the way his friend behaved but hadn't really been able to put a finger on it. Now he knew what had felt so out of place about Charles' reaction.

"You already know, don't you?" The metal bender didn't even sound surprised.

"Yes, most likely I do. But I want _you _being the one to tell me, Eric. You owe me and you know that." Charles whispered, his voice slightly trembling but unyielding.

Eric looked up and the telepath wasn't astounded to see tears on the other man's face. The guilt and remorse pouring out of him were almost palpable.

"The bullet I deflected…. hit your spine and shattered two vertebras completely severing the spinal cord. You're…. paralyzed from the waist down. Charles, you…. You'll most likely never be able to walk again." Eric said, his voice breaking at the last words, eyes closing in agony and turning his back towards Charles whose gaze had been fixed on the white ceiling above him while his friend had talked.

He had already known it, he told himself. Yes, but that didn't made it the least bit easier to comprehend or accept. He was paralyzed, probably confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

He noticed there had been something wrong with him even before Eric had entered this room. He'd seen pictures of himself unable to walk in Moira's and Hank's thoughts and of course he had made the connection with the bullet. Somehow he'd already guessed what was wrong, but he hadn't been able to wrap his mind around it at that time.

However, at the end of his conversation with Eric which also had only led up to this one point he'd inconspicuously reached down with his right hand to touch his thigh and hadn't felt a thing. That was when he had wanted Eric to tell him the truth. He wanted to hear it from the man who was - up to a certain point - responsible for Charles' situation.

But as much as he wanted to blame Eric for what had happened, he simply could not. Because deep down the young man knew that it had been an accident - a concatenation of unlucky coincidences. Moira had chosen to shoot at Eric knowing that he would deflect the bullets, Eric had done just that not caring where the ricochets went and he, Charles, had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, too arrogant to admit that he wouldn't be able to stop his friend.

So could he really blame anybody apart from himself?

"Eric?" His voice was shaky and barely audible so he took several deep breaths to calm himself before he tried again. "Eric? Would you…. Would you please look at me?"

He didn't get an answer but slowly, ever so slowly, Eric turned around on his chair raising his head. His face was wet with tears but still his features were in that incredibly tight control he had acquired during those fatal weeks with Shaw and perfected in the years afterwards.

"You probably think that I blame you for what happened, Eric, and maybe I should do that. But I can't. I just can't hold that against you." Looking into Eric's unbelieving eyes, he felt a tear sliding down his own cheek as well, because he knew what his friend was thinking - his thoughts echoing in Charles' head.

'_But I am the one who made the bullet hit you. It is my fault. You told me so.' _

"No, listen to me." The professor said, holding out his left hand to Eric, palm turned upwards and the other man hesitated only for a moment before he took it in his own, leaning in closer.

"You are responsible some of the terrible things that happened. But that was not _you_, Eric. I felt the good inside you that day outside the mansion when you turned the satellite. I have seen it. Right there on the beach after you had killed Shaw?" Charles shook his head, continuing while Eric's eyes were transfixed on him. "That was the man Shaw started to create all those years ago in his office in Warsaw. And he nearly had succeeded despite of already being dead. In fact his death almost sealed your fate, my friend. You came so close to giving in to all that pain and hatred. But in the end you stayed."

Eric was still looking at Charles, his face devoid of any expression, but tears began to run down his cheeks when he heard the other one talk about the horrible things he'd done and felt during and after killing Shaw.

The vengeance had felt so sweet, yet somehow he had realized that what Charles had told him in the library while they'd played chess proofed to be true. Killing Shaw didn't bring him peace or even satisfaction. It had only intensified the anger burning inside him and Charles was right again now, presuming that the hatred had almost consumed him. And it had taken a bullet hitting Charles to pull him out of his dark tailspin.

That prize was much too high for his liking.

"_But in the end you stayed." _he heard Charles say and saw that the telepath was actually smiling. Why was he so relieved that Eric had stayed?

"I'm so glad you stayed, because whatever happened while you were wearing that helmet, that wasn't you. And that's why I won't hold these actions against you even though you are nonetheless responsible for them." the younger mutant answered clearly having read his thoughts.

"However, you are _not_ the one at fault when it comes to my… injury. It was an accident: Moira shot at you, you deflected the bullets and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. What if I hadn't been there? It would never have happened if I …. If I hadn't tried to hold you back-." He trailed off seeing Eric shake his head.

"Don't even _think _about what you just said. You're not going to make yourself the one being at fault, because_ you are not_." Eric's grip on Charles' hand tightened a little.

"If you hadn't gone after me I would have killed those humans on the boats. You just said so yourself, and I know it damn well, too. I am responsible for some terrible things, turning the missiles against the humans included." Still getting no response from the telepath, he clarified what he meant.

"It's not your fault, Charles!" the German said fiercely.

"And neither is it yours, my friend." Charles answered emphatically.

Eric looked into his friend's startling blue eyes that were shimmering with tears again and felt utterly bewildered. He slowly began to understand that he had expected Charles to blame him for everything that happened, regardless of the fact that he had offered him forgiveness at the beach. But he had never believed in the possibility of Charles actually forgiving him, he now realized. After all, the telepath had clearly been in shock, barely able to remain conscious.

Though, hearing it now didn't really change a thing, did it? Eric knew he wasn't going to stop blaming himself. As much as Charles wanted him to know that he wasn't holding him responsible, the German knew he would always see himself as the reason for his friend's disability. Maybe it would become easier over the years but he was pretty sure that he would never change his mind about this matter.

Only, the telepath clearly wasn't in a state where Eric wanted to argue with him about something like this. He'd said that he wasn't holding him responsible so the metal bender would go by that.

After all, Charles had at least agreed on accepting that the older mutant was to blame for most of the other wrongdoings, because Eric thought he hadn't been able to take it if he had been ridded of all the guilt.

The professor didn't need to know how he truly felt, so he gave him a half-smile, shortly glancing at the floor, to regain a rather neutral facial expression.

"Alright, if that's what you believe…"

"Yes, it is." Pure believe resonated in every syllable of the younger man's words.

Charles could see the doubt still lingering in Eric's eyes and knew he hadn't yet won the argument. If he would ever be able to win it at all. But he didn't feel like discussing the matter any further at the moment.

Now that there was no need to stay concentrated and focused anymore, he felt the exhaustion taking over from staying awake and alert after he'd been out and heavily sedates for nearly two days, the straining conversation only adding to his already weakened condition.

Eric saw Charles close his eyes and noticed how much paler the young man looked compared to fifteen minutes ago, his breathing a little uneven. Their argument had tired him not only mentally but also physically which was only too understandable considering that he'd been through a rather long surgery only yesterday.

The metal bender gave the pale hand he was still holding in his own broad palm a gentle squeeze.

"You should get some rest now, Charles. I'll be back tomorrow and if you like we can talk some more, also with Hank and Moira and maybe even the kids. Let's just wait and see how you feel, alright?"

Charles nodded, the faint hint of a smile lingering at the corners of his lips. "Thanks, Eric."

The German shook his head. "There is no need to thank me." he said, rising from his chair.

He dimmed the light above the bed until the room was nearly dark and then started to quietly make his way towards the door.

"I'm glad you took off that helmet, you know." Charles murmured his voice heavy with exhaustion and already a little sleepy.

Eric turned around once more coming to stand beside the bed again. Placing one hand on Charles' chest and waving the other through the telepath's quite messy, chestnut-colored hair he bent down until their foreheads met and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Me too, Charles."

They stayed like this for a little while both enjoying the physical and mental presence of the other.

"You should rest now." Eric finally said, drawing back a little one hand still on his friend's chest.

"Will you stay until I'm asleep?"

The question startled the metal bender yet he answered almost immediately.

"Of course, I will."

**That's it for today. The next chapter is all going to be about Charles and his reaction to his diagnosis and of course Eric will be by his side to help him cope with it. If you have any ideas please let me know. I always try to write some of you suggestions into the story.**

**And thx again for all your lovely reviews! I love you, guys :-***


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm terribly sorry it took me so long to update this but I was on a sailboat trip with my best friend and her family and Danish yacht harbors apparently don't come with wireless internet access. The reason for that is beyond me ;)**

**Anyways, I wanted to split this chapter up but it just didn't feel right for the story so you get quite a lot of words with this one. There will be a reader's choice challenge for the upcoming chapters. See bottom for more information.**

**Again, I'm awfully sorry for the delay and I hope you enjoy reading this chapter! **

**Chapter 7**

The mansion seemed to be still asleep while Hank walked through the corridors only dimly lit by the scanty bit of autumn-daylight able to penetrate the gathering rain clouds. Raven, Alex and Sean were not yet awake and probably wouldn't be for some time to come since they had sat together with him and Eric until early in the morning after the two of them had returned from the hospital.

Hank and Eric had seen no point in holding back any information about Charles' injury and current condition. The kids had all gone to bed rather unsettled and consequently sleep hadn't found them until sometime around four in the morning.

After the youngsters left them Hank had asked Eric about the things he and Charles had discussed. The furry mutant was not really surprised to hear that the young professor didn't blame Eric for his injury. After all, he had already forgiven him on the beach. But he had been glad to notice that Eric was obviously very much aware of the mess he'd caused and was willing to take responsibility for his actions.

So Hank had told him he would trust the older mutant again. If Charles had given this man a second chance he sure could do that as well. The metal bender had shown his gratefulness in his own way, not saying much but nonetheless somehow conveying his feelings.

They too, retired afterwards and Hank had dozed off about three hours ago at nearly six o' clock in the morning, but ever since his transformation he didn't need as much sleep as he did when he had still been human.

The blue mutant reached Eric Lehnsherr's suite and after hesitating for a moment he raised his knuckles and gave the old wooden door a soft tab. When there was no answer he tried with a little more determination. Still no response.

"Eric?" he asked through the door and when he tried to open it was surprised to find it unlocked. The German certainly didn't strike him as the type to leave his door open while being asleep. A short glance into the room gave him the answer; the metal bender wasn't here.

Hank closed the door, frowning. He had already been down to the kitchen which he'd also found empty and Eric wasn't one to sit down in the huge openly designed living-room. Maybe he went for a run around the grounds. The German had instantly loved the huge park of the mansion when they first arrived here some three months ago.

'Has it only been three months?' Hank wondered while he walked further down the corridor. It felt like another life; all seven of them living here training and working together for a couple of hours each day, Charles and Eric always retreating for a game of chess in the evening while he and the other youngsters would switch on the radio and talk sometimes well into the night. They would often make fun of the professor and Eric always spending their nights in the library and 'talking about serious adult-stuff as if they weren't in their late twenties but their early sixties' as Alex used to describe it.

'Wait a minute.' Hank thought. 'He may be in the library.' He hurriedly made his way over to the double-doors at the end of the corridor and knocked.

"Come in." he heard Eric's voice from the other side of the wood. "The door's unlocked." he said, just when the lock made a clicking noise and Hank pushed the doors open.

Eric sat in one of the two rounded chairs facing the table with the chessboard on top apparently reading one of Charles' science magazines. He was already dressed for the day wearing a burgundy turtleneck and –which was very unlike him – a pair of slim, dark jeans. On Hank entering the library he looked up and the younger mutant instantly detected dark circles beneath the grey-green eyes. Walking further into the room Hank's gaze swept over the couch equipped with a pillow and a blue woolen blanket.

"You slept in here?" he asked a little confused. After all, Eric had his own suite just like everybody else.

"Well, 'slept' is not quite the right word; it was more like a short nap, but…. Yeah, I've spent the night over here. The fireplace is actually very cozy." Eric answered in an attempt to explain himself.

Hank strongly doubted that it had anything to do with the fireplace but rather with this room being Charles' favorite one by far, yet he didn't say a word. He would simply have spoken out of place.

Remembering why he wanted to talk to Eric, Hank said: "I wanted to ask you a couple of things."

The older mutant tiredly rubbed his eyes. "Sure, go ahead."

"Okay, so… I suppose you want to go back to the hospital later this day, right? With Charles getting his diagnosis and all."

"Yeah, so far that was my plan."

"Right – So, ahh… I thought it would be best if- if you are the only one with him when he gets to know the full… extent of his injury."

When Eric said nothing Hank quickly explained himself further.

"From what you've told me he reacted rather composed to his paralysis but I don't think that it will stay that way. He seems to be in a state of shock which is actually quite normal for someone in his situation. However, I think hearing the final diagnosis today won't leave Charles emotionally unaffected and therefor it would be best if the kids and I stay here. And if he wants to see Raven or someone else I can drive them around later. Are you okay with that?" he hesitantly asked the older man, who had said nothing during his explanation.

"I am. What about Moira? Did she want to come over for the diagnosis or anytime later?" Eric remembered her talking about visiting Charles last night.

"Uhm, no she won't. In fact she cannot because she has to work again today. She just sent me a fax about half an hour ago, saying that she will stop by at the weekend and she told me to give you kind regards." Hank added, smiling.

"Thanks, Hank. What's the other thing you wanted to ask me?" the metal bender asked, quite curious about what else the young mutant wanted to tell him.

"It's about the cars. I would like to take the others out into town for grocery-shopping later since we really need a couple of things." When he saw Eric raising an eyebrow, he quickly added: "I will stay in the car, of course. It's not that I could just walk into a grocery store and expect people not to notice anything." His cheeks were slightly lilac from blushing. "But…. If you could take the MG for the drive to the hospital that would be very much appreciated. Since there will be four of us and several bags of groceries I could really need the Mercedes." The furry mutant sounded a bit sheepish and Eric had to smile.

"Of course I can take the MG, that's no problem." Well, actually it held the potential of becoming one, because it was a typical British car designed to drive on the wrong side of the road but he would deal with that in due time.

"Great, and - that's it, I believe." Hank said, already heading for the door. "Although - " He turned around again to look at the other man. "Have you had breakfast yet?"

Eric shook his head. "I probably don't need to tell you that my appetite is rather lousy these days. I'm not really hungry."

The young mutant frowned, his bushy eyebrows nearly touching. "But starving yourself to death won't help the professor getting better; quite on the contrary, you'll need your strength if you want to support him."

Eric sighed, smiling faintly and rising from his chair. "So, it's pancakes then?"

The drive had been surprisingly uneventful for sitting on the wrong side, Eric thought, while he walked through the corridors of the hospital searching for Charles' new room. One of the nurses down at the ICU station told him that Mr. Xavier had been moved to a private room in the paraplegia-wing of the clinic.

On entering it Eric felt uneasiness welling up inside him at the sight of the wheelchairs standing out here in the corridors.

'You need to get used to this.' he thought, pulling himself together. 'Because you can't help him adjust to his situation if you haven't even accepted it yourself.' He had reached room number 107 and knocked.

"Come in, Eric." Charles' voice greeted him from the other side of the door and the metal bender went inside.

"So much for the surprise." he said, closing the door behind him and walking over to Charles' bedside.

The telepath turned his head slightly to look at him. "I am sorry, my friend. I didn't mean to spoil this for you."

Charles was still lying flat on the back, the IV connected to his right hand but the cables and the heart rate monitor were gone. He seemed to be much more alert and coherent, judging by the clear and focused look of his blue eyes; although there were ashen circles beneath them and he remained rather pale.

"You look better than yesterday." the older mutant stated while he pulled up a chair to the bedside and sat down.

"Well, I'm beginning to feel quite up to the mark, indeed." Charles said, running a hand through his thick chestnut-colored hair. "After I've been brought up here this morning they reduced the pain medication." He gestured towards the IV inserted in his right hand. "Since I'm no longer drugged with morphine the dizziness is gone and I'm nearly in full control of my ability again. Although it doesn't help that much with the pain so I probably don't need to tell you that last night wasn't too good." he confessed trying to lighten his statement with a smile. When he noticed the dark shadows beneath the German's eyes he added: "Yours apparently wasn't either."

Eric shrugged. "Well, Hank and I had a rather long conversation about the events on Cuba after we filled the kids in on you and your situation. And sleep does not find me easy anyways."

"You and Hank are okay with each other?" Charles asked a bit worried and was relieved to see the other one nod.

"Yeah, we actually had breakfast together this morning. Pancakes."

"I should have liked to see that. Both of you in the kitchen with a frying pan and pancake dough." the telepath teased.

Eric couldn't help but return the smile since he and Hank had made quite a mess before they had gotten a hang on it.

"I'm sure we will do it again at some point and your advice would be most welcome."

Charles' smile faltered a little and he dropped his gaze. Just thinking about home made him feel terrible.

Now that he wasn't drugged down anymore and very much aware of his surroundings and his own condition he longed desperately to return to the mansion and simply enjoy a peaceful afternoon in his library- just him and Eric playing chess, not thinking about his worries and troubles.

'But there is no _going _home.' Charles thought bitterly. He would never again 'go' home or take a 'walk' through the garden.

'Thanks to this.' he thought and brought his left hand to touch his thigh. He couldn't feel a thing.

Naturally a good observer, Eric noticed the movement.

"How are you holding up?" he asked, trying to hide the worry about Charles' sudden change of mood and the look of defeat he now noticed in his friend's eyes. Charles turned his head to give him an unreadable look.

"Well, it's…. I don't know. It's hard to say." he struggled to explain, making a vague gesture and Eric nodded his understanding. If it were him lying on that bed suddenly being paralyzed he would also have a hard time wrapping his mind around it.

Charles didn't know how to answer Eric's question without giving away how he truly felt. The rational part of him wanted to assure his friend that everything was alright, that he was doing just fine. His reasonable side saw no need to bother anyone with his fears and insecurities.

The other part of him wanted to be honest with Eric because he desperately needed someone to ease the overwhelming feeling of helplessness that built up inside him. His emotional side wanted to tell the other mutant that he was scared about not only the following days or weeks but scared about his whole future. How was he supposed to handle his disability? What if he couldn't handle it?

He had always had to be the stronger one because they all needed a leader, someone to guide them; who gave them a purpose. And now he didn't even know what to do with himself. What would the others think of him? Especially Raven. What was he supposed to do with the rest of his life?

He certainly couldn't continue his work for the government and go on another mission like the one in Russia with Moira and Eric.

There it was again. He couldn't 'go'. Charles had never before paid any attention to how often this word occurred in the English language and now it greatly bothered him that this word could no longer be applied to him.

'Time will show.' He thought, trying to calm himself down. 'It's useless to brood over what might be. You need to focus on the present, make sure the others don't worry about you-especially Erik. He is far too worried about me right now.' It was always easier to suppress his situation by focusing on the problems and worries of others. The logical part won and so all he said was:

"I…. I'm good, really." Charles sounded more as if he was trying to convince himself and the metal bender didn't believe a word he said.

Eric had never seen the eloquent professor at such a loss for words to explain or comprehend a situation. Charles' knowledge and empathy had always made him seem wise far beyond his twenty-eight years and his warm and endearing personality had helped them through some rough spots during the last couple of weeks.

Now he found himself in a tough situation and it was hard to tell how he would cope with it. So far he had dealt with his paralysis quite logical but you couldn't lose the ability to walk without getting emotional. Least of all Charles who was - despite all his logic - a rather sensitive person.

But Eric didn't want to press on that matter and so he told Charles about Hank's plan to go out for grocery-shopping and for a couple of minutes they just talked about the youngsters, reminiscing about some of the training days, for example when Sean had fallen out of the window during his first attempt to fly, Alex setting the underground training bunker on fire or making fun about Hank waiting in the car for Raven, Alex and Sean to return from their upcoming shopping trip.

"Raven misses you, you know? She was very upset yesterday when she couldn't come with me and I thought it best to sneak out of the house this morning, while she was still asleep. Otherwise I'm not sure what she would've done to make me take her with me." Eric told his friend, trying to lighten the mood a bit and the other young man smiled sadly.

"I know and I miss her, too. Please tell her that, Eric."

"I will. Maybe, if you'd like to see her, Hank could drive her over in the evening or something." the metal bender suggested, but seeing Charles' smile slowly fade from his lips he knew that although his friend missed Raven he didn't want to see her. Or maybe, Eric thought, he didn't want her to see him.

Charles diverted his gaze back to the ceiling after declining Eric's offer to get Raven brought over. He knew that his adoptive sister would be angry and disappointed when she learned that he didn't want her to come. But he had his reasons, right?

From what Eric had told him the kids knew about his injury and the paralysis and he was not feeling up to talk about this with Raven at the moment. If she came over there would be no way of avoiding this subject. It was already hard enough to talk about this with Eric.

And he wanted to spare her. He wanted to spare her the sight of him right now, not being able to do anything apart from lying on this bed.

When they heard a knock coming from the door Charles turned his head and Eric shifted on his chair, both gazes fixed on the door as Dr. Hill entered the room.

After the doctor had shaken both their hands he didn't waste his time on small talk, a fact Eric liked about the human, not being much of a talker himself.

"Well, Mr. Xavier, you probably know that I'm here to inform you of your diagnosis."

"Yes, I do. Please go ahead, I'm ready." the young professor said, being polite as ever.

'That's a lie.' Eric thought, while studying Charles' face carefully and he realized that this was the first lie he'd ever heard from his friend. He had experienced all kinds of answers from him; sarcastic, charming, painstakingly- true, but never, not even once had he ever lied to him. If someone was to ask Raven, Eric was damn sure that she would give the same answer. Lying just wasn't Charles; the metal bender could tell by the odd expression on his face that was meant to look convincing and composed and maybe the human believed it, but Erik certainly did not.

The doctor however simply nodded and took an X-ray from the folder he carried and handed it over to Charles who tilted it slightly to look at it properly. It showed his spine, of course, and he immediately spotted what was wrong with it.

Two of his lower-back vertebras looked like a jigsaw puzzle, shattered into various pieces which were now held together by a couple of thin metal bars and four screws.

"As you can see on the X-ray scan the bullet that entered your spine has shattered the vertebras Th11 and Th10, completely severing the spinal cord within. We stabilized the fractures with two small stainless- steel bars and four screws and given the fact that everything heals in order there will be no reason to remove them as they won't affect your mobility. However there was no way to restore the neural pathways." The surgeon stopped for a brief second before continuing.

"The damage of your spinal cord resulted in a paraplegia from the waist down and the chances of a recovery from this kind of injury are slim to none. I'm sorry to say this, Mr. Xavier, but you will most likely never be able to walk again."

He paused and studied Charles closely to see how his patient reacted to this devastating news.

The young professor let his gaze stray out of the window for a moment, his facial expression unreadable. There wasn't really any sign of reaction towards the fact that he would be dependent on a wheelchair for the rest of his life. But Erik saw his friend's blue eyes clouding and a guarded look appearing on his features when he turned his head back to look at Dr. Hill again. His gaze was devoid of any emotion now and Erik shivered unconsciously at the sight of it. It didn't suit Charles in the least.

"How long do I have to stay here before I can return home?" Charles asked, deliberately avoiding the word 'go'.

"Well, to provide that the fractures heal correctly it is essential to keep you immobilized for at least three weeks. Depending on your physical condition it'll take another week or two before you're allowed out of bed. Afterwards there will be another three to four weeks of physical therapy and some weight training to improve your physique. I'm not making any promises but if everything goes according to plan you should be home in about two months."

Charles nodded absently, staring at the ceiling again. Two months before he could leave but he wouldn't return to the life he knew. It would be something completely different because he would return in a wheelchair and that meant a lot of changes. He would need a ramp for the stairs leading to the front door, an elevator inside so he could access the first and second floor of the mansion. Maybe he wouldn't even fit through the doors anymore. But what bothered him most was the fact that he would be dependent on the help of others and that was the one thought he couldn't stand.

The young professor sighed heavily, trying to keep his emotions at bay and screwed his eyes shut.

Erik saw Charles closing his eyes and turning his head away and knew that he was now lost in his own, no doubt rather unsettling thoughts, so the German turned towards Dr. Hill who was still in the room.

"Thanks for everything. I think he'll need a few moments." Erik said quietly. The surgeon who had handled situations like this a lot of times before nodded understandingly.

"Yes, of course. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to approach me."

Once he was gone Erik returned his attention back to his friend.

"Charles, you okay?" he asked. Stupid question, of course the other wasn't okay but Erik wasn't as skilled with words and handling problematic situation as Charles.

"Yes, I …." The telepath brushed a hand over his face, exhaling a shaky breath. "Please, could you…. Could you give me a couple of minutes?"

" 'Course. I'm just downstairs for a tea. Will you… call me back?" he asked placing two fingers at his temple in an imitation of Charles.

His friend offered him a small smile. "Sure, I will."

Erik took a hesitant sip from the Styrofoam cup and the hot tea burned its way down his throat. Yet he felt oddly detached from the unpleasant feeling; his thoughts were still with Charles in his room. Right now he wished he had his friend's telepathic ability. Maybe knowing what the other thought would make it easier to find the right words in this truly messed-up situation. Always given the possibility, of course, that there _were _the right words for such a situation. And somehow Erik believed there weren't.

When he thought of the devastated and frightened look replacing Charles' usually optimistic and compassionate features he was sure that there was nothing in this world, words or actions, to make this better or easier to handle.

Erik finished his tea and then waited for another ten minutes but when Charles didn't call him back he decided to go check on him nonetheless. He had a bad feeling leaving the other alone to deal with his emotions that were without a doubt running wild at the moment.

When he reentered his friend's room he was glad that he'd decided to check on the telepath, not waiting for him to call him back.

Charles had apparently tried to push himself into a sitting position but hadn't managed more than a few inches before keeling over to his side, almost losing his balance completely because his upper body leaned dangerously far out of bed and his unfeeling legs couldn't function as a counterbalance . His face was drawn taut with pain from straining his broken back so hard and his pale cheeks were stained with tears. Erik hurried over to his side.

"What exactly do you think you're doing? Are you out of your freakin' mind?" he asked, clearly agitated while easing Charles back down onto the pillows moments before the young man would have lost his balance completely and fallen out of the bed. "You're only making it worse!" Erik couldn't believe how careless his friend was with his own health.

Although the pain had drained the color from his face and he was having trouble to breathe normally Charles shot the older mutant a furious look.

"How could this possibly get worse?" The way he spat out those words made it clear how frightened, angry and devastated the telepath was about his disability.

"God, Erik. Tell me how this could get worse?" This time it was a barely audible whisper and new tears started to run down the telepath's smooth, lightly freckled cheeks. One of his hands clutched Erik's cashmere sweater and he looked at the taller man with a lost and forlorn expression in his huge, radiant blue eyes.

Erik looked at his friend for the longest time seeing the fear, the worry, the helplessness and the devastation. He brought one hand beside Charles' head on the pillow, while bending down low until their foreheads touched, his other hand lightly caressing Charles' still wet cheek.

"We'll figure this out, alright? I promise you we'll find a way to make things work."

Charles closed his eyes, inhaling a deep breath and leaned into Erik's touch. "Okay."

**And that's it for today. As mentioned above here comes the reader's choice challenge.**

**Since I won't describe every single day during Charles' recovery I picked out three possibilities how to continue the story in the next chapter. It's completely your choice.**

**Raven visiting Charles for the first time in the hospital (about three days after the events of this chapter)**

**Charles' first time in the wheelchair (about 4 ½ weeks after this chapter and of course Erik comes over to check on his friend ;))**

**Charles sneaking out of the hospital with Hank's help for a night at the mansion (about seven weeks after this chapter)**

**AND there is another choice for you to make, my dear readers ;)**

**Should "Please, brother" become an Erik/Charles story?**

**I'm really torn if it should since it's definitely holding the potential of becoming one.**

**I would love to know your thoughts on these things for every answer will make it easier for me to continue writing and developing a proper plot for this story. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Well, guys here comes the next chapter. Since possibility 1) nearly got as many votes as 2) I couldn't really resist to write Charles' and Raven's reunion as well (even if it is a little shorter). This chapter is only the first part of the story for the reader's choice challenge so stay tuned for the second part I'll post within the next few days ;) **

**I wanted to thank you all for the amazing and highly encouraging and inspiring reviews! This is really what keeps an author going!**

**You absolutely made my day, wonderful people! 3 And now enjoy reading **

Chapter 8

"Good morning, Charles." Julie's cheerful voice drifted through the room as she entered and gave the young man who lay on the bad a matching smile. "Are you ready for this important day?"

Julie, a young Irish woman with strawberry blonde hair, was Charles' physical therapist since he'd been admitted to the hospital and the two of them had gotten to know each other quite well during the last four weeks although it had been almost completely on her initiative, explaining it would make things easier if they didn't remain complete strangers.

For the first two weeks of his admittance she had just dropped by occasionally to survey his physical condition since he wasn't allowed any kinesis therapy at all but for the last fourteen days they had worked with some weights to improve his chest- and arm musculature.

The fact that Julie had moved to New York only two years ago and that she was – well, not really British, but at least Irish – gave them something to talk about and she had a warm and sunny personality. The one thing Charles really valued about her, however, was her thoughts. When they worked together the telepath could only sense her determination for him to get better and the simple satisfaction if he'd managed one of the exercises successfully. There was neither pity nor worry.

The thoughts of his team were something completely different. Although they tried to treat him the same as ever they couldn't hide their thoughts completely. Whenever Erik, Hank and the other guys came over to visit him there was so much worry and concern radiating off of them it nearly suffocated him, though to Erik's credit the telepath had to admit the older mutant nearly always managed to push those feelings aside during his stays.

Even Raven could not completely suppress her anxiety about his wellbeing when she was with him and their protectiveness and constant worry were driving him slowly up the wall- of course only in the figurative sense of the words.

Somewhere in the back of his head he knew he was overreacting. Being concerned for somebody who had just been paralyzed made perfectly sense, it was only natural. And if the circumstances were different, if Charles were his usual calm and understanding self he would have known, taken comfort in their loving care for him told them not to worry.

But he wasn't himself at the moment – not at all.

He'd stopped telling himself he was fine about two weeks after the diagnosis. Around that time he had given up hope to regain any feeling or movement in his legs finally coming to realize that he would spend the rest of his days confined to a wheelchair.

Sure, he had talked about being paralyzed and the consequences of it with Erik, Raven and even Hank yet there had always been a slight glimmer of hope that against all odds he might get his legs back. The hope had slowly waned away leaving a cold and empty space in his chest combined with an overwhelming feeling of anger, frustration and fear.

Charles felt so utterly lost - like falling ever deeper into a dark abyss and no-one could pull him out of it. The despair about his situation and the helplessness that he couldn't do anything to change it were slowly consuming him from the inside.

In front of the others, though, he kept his calm and good-natured professor-façade firmly in place. He wasn't sure if Erik was entirely buying it because once or twice he had caught his friend staring at him with a strange expression that would have strongly reminded him of fear if he hadn't known that Erik wasn't capable of being frightened.

There were days when it was easier to act normally, days the darkness that threatened to overwhelm him was a mere cold, dark cloud on the horizon of his mind and then there were those days when it consumed him, swallowing him whole with no way out of his misery.

However, today was one of the better days even though seeing the wheelchair the PT was pushing in front of her didn't contribute to that. The young professor gave the metal contraption a weary look and although he desperately wanted to get out of bed his honest answer to Julie's question would have been a 'no'.

He wasn't ready to start what would be the rest of his life confined to a wheelchair, not at all. To say this, though, would have been downright rude so he opted for a more diplomatic answer.

"I hope so." Charles forced a smile to appear on his lips, but the young woman didn't seem to notice.

"Well, then let's get you up and going."

The telepath sighed inwardly. If only that were true.

Julie came over to his side and helped him into a sitting position. After lying flat on his back for three weeks straight it had taken Charles almost another one of hard training to regain the ability of pushing his upper body into a vertical position and remain so for a couple of minutes.

The muscles of his back and abdomen were weakened from the long disuse and the doctors as well as Julie had told him that it would take time and hard work to recover his physical condition from before the injury.

With the therapist's help Charles managed to remain upright without using his arms as much for balance as usual. It was still an odd and frustrating feeling to be sitting on the bed and at the same time not really feeling the mattress beneath oneself having completely lost sensation below the waist.

"Very good, Charles. Now, try stay like this while I'll help you with this one." Julie commended him and then started to put him into a back brace to support his broken spine.

The telepath fixed his gaze on the beige linoleum of the floor, trying to remain detached from this humiliating procedure and he found himself glad he hadn't told anyone that today would be the first time in nearly four weeks he was allowed out of bed. He couldn't stand the thought of his friends seeing him like this, especially not Erik for it would only add to his guilt which no matter how often Charles had assured him it wasn't his fault still lingered in the back of the German's mind every time he entered this room.

Of course, the two of them had known it would come to this; they had talked about the chair quite often but actually facing the reality – that was a totally different story.

But as much as Charles wanted that Erik never saw him like this he knew the confrontation was inevitable. He couldn't stay hidden in this room forever after all, though the thought of it sounded rather promising to him at the moment.

'At least he's not coming over today.' Charles thought while Julie made some final adjustments to his brace. Erik had been here yesterday and told him he wouldn't be able to come over the next day because he had to attend to his responsibilities at the mansion.

It naturally came to this with having three teenagers- somehow they always excluded Hank from the lot- made the mansion their permanent residence and since Charles couldn't help there had to be days for organization. Managing the household was clearly not Erik's expertise yet still he did it surprisingly well given the fact that he'd never done anything like that before which was why he received Raven's help from time to time.

"Here we go." The Irish woman was finally content with the fit of the back brace, her voice bringing Charles back to attention and he looked down his torso.

The hard-plastic brace closed around his upper body from just below his armpits down to his waist, supporting the weakened muscles and providing stability for his broken back.

Julie pulled back the blanket he'd still had covering his legs and then brought the wheelchair right beside the bed applying the brakes.

"Shall we give it a go then?"

Charles saw her encouraging smile and tried to ignore his increasing heart rate. 'Don't worry, everything will be just fine.' he told himself in an attempt to calm down but thinking 'Stop kidding yourself' at the same it didn't really work. So instead he focused his attention on the young woman's hands which now rested on his unfeeling knees.

Finally he found it in him to nod and say: "Yes, why not."

Julie lifted his legs a little, gently pushing and turning his lower body around until his feet tangled just inches above the floor before she placed them on the footrest of the chair. The young professor swallowed hard, supporting his upper body with his arms to remain the balance while the physical therapist adjusted his lower body until he sat on the edge of the bed parallel to the seat of the wheelchair.

"Okay, now I want you to put your right hand onto the right side of the seat and brace yourself."

Charles complied struggling to keep his balance for a moment. When he was sure he could stay in this position Julie brought one arm under his knees and the other one around his waist. A few seconds later she'd moved him from the bed into the chair.

After adjusting his sitting position a little she straightened. "That wasn't too hard now, was it? You've done very well, Charles."

She made it sound like sitting in this chair now was his achievement when really he'd done nothing. Yet the telepath didn't say anything for he was far too occupied with getting used to his new position.

He wasn't feeling well. The sudden vertigo made his back hurt again even with the support of a brace and his vision started to swim because his circulation needed time to adjust.

After a few moments his vision cleared and his heart rate slowed down leaving him only with a slight uneasiness due to the pain in his back.

"Are you feeling alright?" Julie asked, watching him closely.

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine." The young man even managed a small smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. The red-head returned it nonetheless.

"Is there someone coming over to see you today?"

"No."

"Then I have to ask you to stay on this floor. You're allowed to leave your room as long as you stay on the station. I will come back in an hour to check on you." Julie headed for the door. "And if somebody does turn up unexpectedly you're of course allowed outside into the conservatory as long as you don't overexert yourself."

With that she was gone leaving Charles alone to debate what he should do now. It wasn't a hard decision. He wanted nothing more than to leave the room he'd been stuck inside for four weeks hardly ever seeing something else of the hospital.

After a few moments he put his hands on the hoop guides of his chair and gave them a hesitant push into the direction of the door. He and Julie had talked about the theory yet putting it into practice was something completely different his weakened condition only adding to the struggle.

He stopped the chair in front of a bottom-length mirror that hung by the door catching a glimpse of his reflection. What he saw after fully turning around made it impossible for him to hold back the shocked gasp escaping his lips.

Charles hadn't seen himself properly for a month and if someone had shown him his current reflection in a picture the young professor wasn't sure if he'd recognize himself.

He lost weight that much he knew - almost thirteen pounds during those four weeks. So it shouldn't really be a surprise the white T-shirt he wore over the brace and that had once fitted him perfectly was now at least two sizes too big on him.

The navy blue sweatpants with the three tell-tale white stripes at the side couldn't quite conceal the effects of the already advanced atrophy claiming his legs, their fragility only making his paralysis more obvious.

But what shocked him the most was the way his broken body rested in the wheelchair.

Although he felt as if he was sitting upright and managing to remain that way quite well his reflection showed him he definitely wasn't. His torso was off kilter, inclined to the left and leaning against the armrest of the chair. Even with the extra support of the back brace he wasn't strong enough yet to keep himself upright properly after being bedridden for a month.

While he looked at his reflection with an unbelieving expression Charles felt the last bit of his self-esteem vanish at this very moment and he was certain he'd never get it back. Something in him died while he looked at the person that hardly resembled the man he knew and he realized that he would never be the same Charles Xavier ever again, that much was for certain.

The shock combined with the effort to maintain his sitting position brought back the dizziness and the room began to spin and melt into a haze of colors. The young man closed his eyes against the growing feeling of nausea.

The knowledge that if anything should happen to him right now, like falling out of the chair, he wouldn't be able to handle the situation without help only made him more miserable and it took no small amount of his will power to fight back the tears starting to pool in his eyes when he thought of his pathetic helplessness.

After he'd regained some composure he carefully maneuvered himself over to the bed and pulled off the light woolen blanket Julie had left there. The professor draped it over his lap gingerly tucking in his legs so they were hidden from view, especially from his own. God, he felt so ashamed and humiliated right now – much too self-conscious of his own condition. How could he let anybody see him again, crippled like he was?

It had already taken all of Erik's powers of persuasion convincing Charles to agree having Raven brought over some five days after he'd regained consciousness.

Staring out of his window into the cold and dim November afternoon Charles thoughts drifted off to their reunion in an attempt to keep himself from dwelling on the thought that he could neither feel his hands in his lap nor the seat of the chair beneath him or the warmth of the blanket on his useless legs.

She had been hesitating whether to come in or just leave again telling him she hadn't been able to make it later on and that was the first thing setting him off because she had never hesitated with him before- no matter what.

But on that particular evening he could sense her standing just outside his door debating with herself, trying to find the courage to raise her hand and knock.

Charles hadn't been sure either if he wanted to see her. Yes, of course she was his sister. That they weren't blood-related didn't matter in the least since he always considered her his only family with his father dead before he'd turned four and his mother constantly being away on business trips or wasting her time on hopeless romances. And his step-father – well, he wouldn't particularly consider that man family either.

Raven was the sibling he'd always wanted since he was old enough to know there was something missing in his life. The night he'd found her down in the mansion's kitchen had been one of the luckiest moments in his life. She had enriched his life and eased the 'hardship', as Erik had put it so aptly, of the lonely hours and growing up without parents.

They'd had their arguments, of course, just like all other siblings did – the telepath remembered their most recent one about the 'mutant and proud'-thing. But Charles had never once forgotten how fortunate he was to have her. He loved her from the bottom of his heart, even more so as this love was returned in equal terms by Raven.

And now she hesitated with him and the young man instantly knew Erik had been right when he'd told him that Raven needed to see him. He could feel the worry radiating off of her even through the closed door.

He sighed giving himself a mental nudge. 'Please, come in Raven.'

He could sense her surprise on hearing his voice in her mind and it had the desired effect.

Charles took her in as she slipped into his room, disguised in her usual form of a young woman with soft, round features, honey blonde hair and chocolate eyes that met his own azure ones as she crossed the room and sat down on the edge of his bed. She didn't spare the visitor's chair so much as a look.

Raven studied her brother closely while sitting down beside him. The first thing she noticed was that he looked smaller and more fragile than she'd ever seen him before.

Even when he'd been sick with a mild case of pneumonia shortly after he'd started university at Oxford he hadn't looked so exhausted and-there was no other way to say it- weak.

His usually bright blue eyes were dull and he was far too pale, his skin almost appearing translucent against the crisp white of the pillow. His hair was disheveled and floppy and although he wasn't connected to any medical equipment anymore the light bandage covering his right hand told her the IV had probably been removed only recently.

She realized she'd never been so worried about him yet the young woman tried not to show it knowing how much Charles hated pity when he was sick- just like any other man. Instead she smiled at him.

"Hey." Her voice was quiet with only the faintest hint of concern. She brushed back a strand of his dark hair and then placed her hand on his pale cheek laying all her love and sisterly affection for him into the gentle touch, lightly grazing the designer stubbles that now covered his jawline.

"Hey." He returned her phrase, the unconcerned smile he'd opted for wavering and finally becoming a rather small and sad one.

That smile almost broke Raven's heart and she couldn't stand the awkwardness and insecurity between them any longer.

Exhaling a sorrowed sigh she leaned down until their bodies touched and she was lying on his chest- her head resting over his heart, one of her hands still entwined in his hair.

"I've missed you." It was barely more than a whisper and she closed her eyes inhaling his familiar scent that always reminded her of so many happy moments they'd shared. "So much."

There was only the slightest hesitation before she felt his arms finally wrap around her, slender fingers softly stroking the nape of her neck.

"I missed you too, Raven."

For a couple of moments neither of them spoke content with just holding each other. But finally Raven drew back, straightening herself. "That wasn't really fair of you, you know? Keeping me away like this." Her eyebrows creased. "I know why you did it, but honestly Charles –. Do you really think things are gonna change between us because you can't walk anymore?"

There it was- Raven's head-on approach on difficult and serious subjects and there could be no doubt that she'd meant what she said. They knew each other for well over fourteen years and him being in a wheelchair didn't change anything for her concerning their relationship.

Yet for Charles it did.

He hadn't told her so, of course, when she'd been with him on that particular evening. He'd been glad with how smooth their reunion went finding himself enjoying her company far too much to spoil the precious hours with his brooding. They had spent the rest of her visit talking about all kinds of things, mostly trivialities like Sean's and Alex's teenage-boys-eating-habits or her own plans on going to look for a proper job next year. And when Raven left, Charles had really wanted to believe her words that nothing had changed between them.

However, that was not true.

Charles had always been the stronger one- a typical big brother taking care of his little sister. The thought and the very likely possibility that those roles would be reversed now, that he would be the one who'd need her help was making the whole situation so hard for him. Although he knew she wasn't a teenager anymore – especially after the events on Cuba – he just couldn't stand the thought of being dependent on her or somebody else's help in the future.

For the rest of his bloody life, to be precise.

For her nothing had actually changed so far. Well, of course she was aware of the fact her brother would never be able to walk again but she hadn't seen the full extent of consequences of his paraplegia yet.

Whereas Charles had probably lived through the four most humiliating days of his entire life.

The sensory and mobility loss of his legs was most likely the easiest thing to accept when it came to all the drastic changes due to his disability. It was something everybody knew as the effect of paraplegia – you couldn't move or feel your legs.

However, no-one ever mentions that as soon as the spinal cord injury affects the lumbar vertebras one does also lose control over bladder and bowels and that somebody else had to take care of your bathroom needs since you obviously couldn't, at least not while being confined to bed.

It was that aspect of his paralysis which bothered Charles the most. Despite the doctors telling him there was a very real chance he would regain control over those elementary body functions in due time it didn't help in the least to deal with the situation at hand.

He wasn't able to bathe himself or take a shower and couldn't get dressed on his own. He wasn't even able to sit up in bed without help or turn over during the night. All those little things you normally don't waste a second thought on had become impossibilities for Charles regardless how often the doctors, nurses and his PT promised him that in time he would be perfectly able to do all of it on his own.

He just couldn't believe it right now.

A sudden knock on the door caused Charles to jump slightly bringing him back from his brooding. He had been so focused on his miserable thoughts that the presence approaching his room had gone unnoticed. Yet he was really surprised how he'd managed to ignore it since it was the most familiar one of all, bright and swirling and fiery, though now burning with a different fire than two months ago when it had nearly consumed the man standing outside.

"Charles?" Erik's low voice sounded muffled through the door.

For a split second the younger man considered to remain silent making the other think he wasn't here. He didn't want his friend to see him like he was now. But the more reasonable part of him knew he couldn't hide forever even if he wanted to and if Charles was honest with himself he had to admit that despite everything he wanted to see Erik.

Sparing his covered legs one last look the telepath sighed before he answered.

"Yes, Erik. Come in, please."

**Yeah, well, I know I leave you with a cliffy, but let's be honest- it just increases the anticipation for the next chapter ;-)**

**Thx for reading and as always I would be thrilled if you leave a comment. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Well, here we go and once more I'm sorry for the delay but this bugger just got longer and longer while I was writing. There is a lot of talking in this one from Erik which may be slightly out of character but I felt that those things needed to be said.**

**The movie left the story with so much emotional ballast, so many things Erik and Charles didn't talk about and I thought I put it into this chapter since the situation is quite fitting to talk about all those things.**

**Thx again for your kind reviews! It's always a pleasure to read what people think about this little story and your feedback really encourages me to continue writing. **

**I hope you enjoy this one ^.^ **

Chapter 9

'Something is wrong – definitely.' Erik thought while he opened the door and stepped into Charles' room. He was irritated and confused by the swirling and unsteady presence in his mind which was normally so calm and collected.

Charles' agitated state of mind indicated he was upset and not in full control of his ability. Erik had never felt this kind of uproar from his friend's mind before except for that day on the beach. His searching gaze swept through the room spotting the telepath where he sat beside his bed and the metal bender instantly recognized the source of Charles' distress.

The black hospital-wheelchair made the young man look smaller and even more fragile than he already did - wearing a white t-shirt which was at least two sizes too big and his upper body skidded slightly to the left, not able to remain upright properly. His legs were covered with a dark-blue woolen blanket.

The sight of Charles looking so lost and broken shook Erik to his very core not able to put his feelings into words at this moment.

When Charles realized the older mutant had entered the room he turned around, his pale and rigid expression only emphasising how gaunt his face had become having lost so much weight after being bedridden for a month.

With some effort Erik managed to regain his composure quite quickly reminding himself it wouldn't help Charles if he saw the concern and guilt which had clearly been written all over his face just a moment ago. However with Charles' mind still being an unfocused mess inside his own head Erik highly doubted his friend had sensed his discomfort.

"Hey, it's good to see you." the German said, bending down and pulling his friend into a gentle hug using the contact to adjust Charles' position in the chair thereby noticing the brace around the others torso, supporting the weakened muscles.

The telepath just looked at him, corners of his mouth twitching. "Thanks, good to see you, too."

Erik studied the other closely for a moment then he pulled up a chair settling into it, facing his friend. They didn't talk, the silence stretching between them while Charles stared down at his hands not able to look at Erik, frightened of what he might find in his gaze or mind. Always given the fact he could calm down enough to concentrate his focus on his ability which was currently not the case.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

The low sound of the other's voice brought Charles back to reality, lifting his head as his icy blue eyes found Erik's green ones.

"What do you mean?"

The metal bender raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Why didn't you tell me today was the first time you'd be allowed out of bed?" _Your first time in the wheelchair, _he quietly added.

"Well, I -" It was obvious he'd caught Charles off guard with this question, for he clearly looked taken aback.

"It… must have slipped my mind." the telepath finally answered.

Erik scoffed. "Yeah, most likely."

He felt anger swirling up inside him at hearing Charles' lie, something he hadn't really experienced since the fateful day on the beach. He knew why his friend had done it, however, if he didn't wanted him to come over today because he needed some time for himself all it would have taken him was to ask Erik to stay at the mansion.

But the German swallowed that notion knowing it wouldn't do Charles any good discussing the matter right now considering his current state. Resting his elbows on his knees and leaning slightly forward he settled for another topic.

"How long are you allowed out of bed?"

"About an hour or so. I just –." Charles trailed off, his gaze darting away from Erik's concerned face. He'd wanted to say he just got out of bed and into the chair but remembering the mortifying procedure which his original description would have hardly done any justice he stopped, not wanting to see the pity and disgust in Erik's eyes that would be there if he told him the truth.

The older mutant gave the other a long look while Charles still avoided his gaze that now swept over the wheelchair, taking in the hard metal contraption so poorly fitting his owner – being all soft and rounded features- making him look vulnerable.

And Erik couldn't help but think he'd done his fair share to place Charles in this damned chair.

_No, Erik, you did this._

He felt his emotions building up inside him, the wrought -up presence in his mind not helping him to control his temper. The hospital bed beside them made a faint noise of protest as its frame was strained by the metal bender's powers, losing control for a brief second.

Charles, of course knowing what had caused that sound, gave Erik a startled look while the man tried to calm down again, his face showing the effort it took him to accomplish the task.

"I'm sorry, Charles. I just got a little upset, I'm afraid."

A sad but understanding smile crossed the telepath's lips.

"You don't need to apologize, my friend. I haven't taken the first look too well, either."

No, he definitely hadn't, had he? In fact he was still struggling to keep the image of himself in the mirror – crippled and broken – out of his head. He had to keep it together, especially now that Erik was here.

He couldn't let him see how pathetic and helpless he felt – what a waste of space he was now – he just couldn't – never.

"Charles?"

The telepath hadn't even realized he was biting his lower lip so hard he tasted blood or that his hands were clenched together tightly, his nails digging into his palms.

Erik's worried voice made him lose the focus on his panic momentarily and when he looked into his friend's grey-green eyes, so full of understanding and concern, Charles finally gave in to his own overwhelming emotions.

"I can't do this, Erik. I just can't." he said, voice being so choked with emotions it broke on the last words. The defeat and the pain, the absence of hope in those mesmerizing blue eyes made it almost impossible for Erik to keep his emotions at bay and his chest tightened painfully with an overwhelming feeling of affection and compassion for his friend. He leaned in closer, their foreheads nearly touching now.

"God, Charles! If you can't do it, who can?" Erik asked, and despite keeping his voice steady and level it was obvious he was upset.

Charles pressed his lips together so hard they weren't even visible anymore. "What do you mean? How am I any different from others in dealing with my situation?" The way he pronounced 'situation' made the word sound like a curse.

"Because you are not one to give up on hopes and dreams be it your own ones or somebody else's. You, Charles Xavier, are the personification of hope and lust for life and the wheelchair won't change that."

"Do you really still see me that way, Erik?" Charles' voice sounded tired and defeated. "Do you honestly believe I can still accomplish everything I've ever wanted? Don't you think it is a little naïve to keep thinking like this? You said so yourself the night before the mission." The resignation and self-doubt resonating in every word and the fact that Charles couldn't meet his eyes worried Erik gravely.

He knelt down in front of his friend taking his pale and soft hands in his own calloused ones.

With a gentle voice he quietly demanded: "Charles, look at me."

The telepath raised his head slowly until his frightened yet nonetheless stunning blue orbs met Erik's steady, somehow always smouldering gaze. Sometimes Charles wondered if the other would ever truly be at peace or if he spent the rest of his life on the run regardless of how hard he tried to settle down even with Charles' help.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Erik's question brought him back into attention and he nodded. "Yes, of course." He had no clue were Erik was heading with their conversation.

"You know, when you came after me to safe me that night, jumping off the ship, and I suddenly heard your voice inside my head I was…" Erik made a vague gesture, shaking his head, though Charles didn't miss the reminiscent smile on the German's lips. He was clearly re-living the moment in the freezing water of the Atlantic Ocean.

"At first I was so furious with you because you made me lose Shaw even though I knew holding on any longer would have killed me. Who did you think you were sneaking around in my head, reading my thoughts? You invaded my privacy and made me fail in what had become my sole purpose in life –killing Shaw." He kept his gaze steady while looking at the young professor.

"But now, a couple of months later, I don't think this was the real reason why I was so bitter and angry. It was because you betrayed me about my chance to end my life said night, to die in the pursuit of Shaw." Charles' head came up on hearing his friend's confession and his blue eyes widened a fraction in disbelief. Erik noticed all those small signs with satisfaction.

"I'd come to a point in my life where I didn't really gave a damn anymore about whether I died or not. All I wanted was revenge and if it took my life in the process I would have been more than happy to pay the price."

The metal bender took a deep and calming breath before he continued.

"I'm quite sure on looking back now I wanted to end my life even though the decision to do so was no doubt made only subconsciously. I wanted to die while trying to kill Shaw because if he died I would have had nothing to live for anymore."

Charles sat there, very still and very pale, slowly shaking his head as if to chase off the words the other just said.

"No, Erik, don't say things like that." It was no more than a whisper leaving his lips.

"But it's the truth, Charles." Erik's firm statement was neither bitter nor sad - simply honest.

"There was nothing and no-one in my life worth living for. All the people I ever loved were dead and I never actually allowed another relationship become so close that I would miss the person once they were gone. There was just nothing left worth living for; no friendship, no support, no care or love from other people – just my revenge and it slowly consumed me from the inside." Erik's eyes were smouldering with the intensity of his words.

"I simply wanted to end my miserable existence on that particular night and be free again, not driven and fuelled by hatred feelings anymore. And I would've succeeded if you hadn't hindered me, being the naïve, compassionate fool you are." The loving look he gave Charles made it clear he'd meant those words as a compliment.

"I was furious with you at first. You'd taken the only choice from me I had ever been free to make, or at least that's what I thought back then. Nonetheless I stayed because even if we had only just met each other I sensed there was something special about you – and I don't mean your ability of invading other people's minds." The breathy sound escaping Charles' throat was all the telepath managed in an attempt to laugh and the older mutant smiled as he continued.

"I couldn't have put it into words but, well… So, I stayed and suddenly those incredible things happened to me, things I'd never expected to happen to someone like me. You accepted me just the way I was and so did the kids and Raven." He gently shook his head as if he still couldn't believe it.

"I wasn't alone anymore and although it was quite a change of habits and I wasn't always completely happy with somebody always being around working with the team, especially with you gave me a measurable amount of peace, a different direction for a life I'd spent on the run and searching, never staying long enough anywhere to call a place my home. "

He looked up only to find Charles' eyes fluorescent from the tears gathering there. Erik strengthened his hold on the other's hands, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on their backs.

"You knew all of that, didn't you? You knew I couldn't stay anywhere for a longer time; you saw the restless and hatred-driven monster inside of me as well as the very real possibility that I could destroy you all. And yet you made me stay. Remember the night I was about to leave after getting Shaw's file?"

The young professor could only nod. Tears were running down his cheeks, re-living their conversation just outside the CIA facility.

"You told me back then you saw what Shaw did to me, saying you felt my agony." Erik continued, vividly remembering Charles' posture while he had done so – hands in the pockets of his black cords, thighs slightly spread, face and azure eyes serious – the perfect image of calm determination.

"I was so taken aback when you offered me your help afterwards. How could you do that having witnessed all of my ugly past? You certainly saw the worst of me and yet there you stood self-confident as ever, utterly convinced of being able to help me and talking me back into the team."

"You weren't really surprised the next day discovering I stayed, although you tried to give off that impression. Because you already knew you'd persuaded me when walking back into the facility said night." Erik's gaze left Charles' face for the first time since he'd started talking and strayed out of the window.

"I sat outside for some time afterwards just thinking about the things you said. What surprised me most was discovering that you actually considered yourself my friend."

"Why?" The single word left Charles' lips with a sigh while tears continued to flow down his pale, smooth cheeks. Erik brought his gaze back to rest on his friend's face, making sure they had eye-contact.

"Because you are a person who is so incredibly pure, innocent and trusting and _good, _like no-one else I've ever met and that's what I realized then." The older man placed a hand on the side of Charles' face, gently wiping away the salty moisture.

"You are so full of love, compassion, kindness and understanding with this certain drive to achieve the things you want and you almost always get them simply because of the way you are."

"What really made me stay was not the fact I needed supporters for my vendetta against Shaw – it was you. Simply your extraordinary and unique personality and you weren't surprised the morning after when you saw me standing in the doorway because you know about your qualities, my friend." Erik emphasized.

"You knew you had it in you making me stay, to find the right words or, in my case, actions. How could you not understand how truly wonderful you are when every little thing you achieve shows it back to you. For example the kids you didn't know but welcomed nonetheless with open arms, teaching them, giving them a safe place to stay. And they return the favour by trusting you completely, caring deeply for you, always giving everything to make you proud. How can you see all this, see their love for you and not believe in yourself?"

Erik brushed his thumb over Charles' cheek again, wiping away the tears which hadn't stopped flowing since earlier.

"You, my friend, are truly exceptional."

Charles managed a small laugh, his breath hitching and looking into Erik's eyes a tired but genuine smile slowly spread across his lips. The metal bender returned it while re-capturing the telepath's other hand.

"Now, though – I can't find the Charles Xavier I know. Yet he should be here, sitting right in front of me. Why can't you believe in yourself anymore?"

Charles sighed heavily, looking at Erik for the longest time before he answered.

"I am no longer that man, Erik. If I'm honest I don't know if I ever really was the person you describe or if I simply fooled myself with my naivety and arrogance. You said so yourself the night before the mission when we played chess."

"Charles, you know I was only searching for an argument to justify killing Shaw. And when I couldn't find one I began to search the flaw in the plan with you." Erik briefly wondered why it was so much easier to be honest with his friend now than it had been on the particular evening.

But the younger man shook his head. "Even if what you said was true I will never be like this again. I've changed, Erik. _This _has changed me." he said, gesturing to his unfeeling legs and the wheelchair.

"Yes, it changed you appearances and affects your daily life but it didn't change your opinions or character. You're just as kind and forgiving and brilliant as you've been before. The fact that I'm here talking to you and you're still considering me your friend after everything that happened between us is proof enough. The only thing that's changed is you can't see it yourself anymore." The metal bender's voice was rough and low with emotions.

"You still are the old Charles Xavier – all you have to do is trust yourself again."

It was quiet for some time and neither of them spoke while they just looked at each other.

Charles couldn't express what Erik's words meant to him, how touched he was by the faith and the trust the other put in him, what he saw in him. Right now, however it was so hard to believe in all those things, because he didn't know himself anymore.

He wanted to be the man again whom Erik spoke of yet at the same time he doubted he had the strength for it.

As if the German knew what he was thinking, the taller man asked: "I know it'll need time; just promise me you'll try, okay? Promise me you'll try to believe in yourself again, because I don't want to lose you – ever. You understand?"

A hoarse chuckle from Charles and the slightest nod of his head were the only answers, but it was enough for Erik. His friend would try and for now that would do.

"I cannot recall an occasion you've ever talked so much and I so little." the telepath said, giving Erik's hand a gentle squeeze, his lips curling into an ever so soft smile.

The older man had to laugh, a real, honest laugh which was so rare coming from him and Charles enjoyed the deep, rumbling sound of it.

"Well, it sure took forever to practise." Erik answered, his grey-green eyes twinkling with mischief.

"How are your knees?" The telepath suddenly asked. "I bet they're not very comfortable down there." He nodded his head towards the linoleum- floor.

"They've certainly seen better times." Erik confessed; glad when he saw some life returning into those azure eyes with their little banter.

Charles hesitated for a short moment, looking down at his hands in his lap before he sighed and met Erik's eyes again. "I'm still allowed out of bed for half an hour. Do you mind going into the conservatory? I would really like to see something different than this room."

The German nodded and got to his feet in one smooth motion. "Of course."

He started towards the door but halfway through the room he turned around giving Charles a questioning look. The professor had managed to turn the wheelchair around and move it a couple of yards yet his face had gone visibly pale and he was biting his lower lip to stifle a pained moan, his breath coming out in short bursts.

Erik walked back over. "Shall I?" he asked quietly and Charles closed his eyes. "Yes, please."

Easily sensing the other's distress even without being a telepath, the metal bender placed one hand on the younger man's shoulder and the other one on his cheek. "It is no trouble, Charles. Not at all."

The other offered him a sad smile. "Thanks, my friend."

Erik straightened, heading for the door again and just as Charles wanted to say something the chair came into motion apparently on its own accord.

The metal bender turned around and smiled, seeing Charles' surprised expression.

"Just until we're on the corridor. Otherwise we'd attract quite some attention, I dare say."

Once out of the room Erik moved behind Charles' chair, grabbing the handles and pushing him the rest of the way to the conservatory where he stopped the wheelchair near to the windows settling down into a wicker chair beside the professor.

They sat there for some quiet moments during which Erik studied his friend closely. He seemed to be nervous; his hands fretting over the seam of the blanket covering his legs and his gaze would flicker through the large room every now and then.

"There's no need to be nervous." The older mutant placed a hand on Charles' thigh only to realize his friend couldn't feel the comforting touch, so he placed his hand on the other's arm instead.

The telepath let his gaze wander through the conservatory one last time before turning to look at Erik.

"How are the kids?"

Ignoring the sudden change of subjects Erik answered: "They're fine. Alex, Sean and Hank told me to ask you if they can drop by tomorrow. They haven't seen you for quite some time now."

That was an understatement, Charles thought, and the other knew it very well. The boys hadn't been here for two and a half weeks now because he'd tried to reduce social gatherings where he had to act as if everything was just fine to a minimum.

Yet Erik's current visit had lifted his spirits considerably and he agreed. "Sure, why not. I would like to see them again."

They talked a bit about the youngsters and how they had all been out in the gardens yesterday evening for a soccer-match and Charles was positively surprised to hear that Erik had obviously participated.

"Well, I used to be quite a good player when I was young and Raven has her own methods of persuasion." The German explained, after Charles had inquired further.

About ten minutes later, however and halfway through Erik's account on how Hank had upgraded his lab at the mansion Charles felt his strength fading, the pain in his lower back becoming more and more pronounced, slowly crawling up the length of his spine.

The young man closed his eyes trying to keep his breathing even. 'Not now.' he thought; his knuckles white from where his hands clenched around the armrests of his chair as the pain intensified.

Erik had been gazing out of the window while he talked about Hank and the advancements he'd made for the lab but he registered the change in Charles' breathing pattern almost immediately. When he saw the telepath's pain-contorted face, eyes squeezed shut and a fine sheen of sweat shimmering on his forehead he let out a worried sigh.

"I think we should get you back to bed, don't you?" The metal bender asked, gently placing the back of his hand on Charles' sweaty brow brushing back a strand of the dark hair.

"But I still have at least ten minutes left." Charles ground out through gritted teeth but the telepath's protest was rather half-heartedly and Erik rose from his chair.

"So sue me but I'm taking you back to your room now." The older man said, his green eyes flashing dangerously, his tone not allowing any protest and the professor gave in, knowing it would be best to obey. Besides, his back was killing him right now.

They made it halfway down the corridor when a sudden spark of pain erupted in Charles' lower back travelling up his spine and further up, his mind ablaze with an agonizing white fire.

A low, painful moan escaped his lips when his torso sagged forward, losing his balance due to the intensity of the pain.

A strong arm caught him around the shoulders, gently pulling him back against the backrest of the chair. "We're almost there, Charles." Erik murmured, his arm continuing to support the younger man, his powers helping to navigate the chair.

Charles was unable to answer being far too occupied with the task to convince his muscles keeping him upright for a little longer. He rested his head against Erik's arm that helped supporting him and focused on his ragged breathing trying to achieve a more even rhythm.

Once back in his room Erik stopped the wheelchair beside the bed. Bringing one arm under Charles' knees and the other around his back he carefully scooped the telepath up into his arms placing him down on his bed as gently as possible.

"What about the brace?" he asked, but Charles just shook his head still grimacing from the burning feeling travelling up his spine.

"Julie's coming over in – in a couple of minutes anyway, so –." A sound of discomfort stopped the professor's explanation and he squeezed his eyes shut as if doing so would block out the pain.

Erik pulled the blanket over his friend's shivering body and settled down beside him on the bed, concern written all over his face. When he placed a soothing hand on Charles' chest the young man peeled his eyes open again offering a faint smile.

"Don't worry, Erik. They told me it was very likely this would happen. Besides, it isn't that bad."

However, it wasn't really convincing because when he squirmed a little, trying to find a position that didn't hurt too much the movement simply made it worse and Charles couldn't bite back the soft cry of pain escaping his lips.

Erik glared at him, anger adding to his concern. "For God's sake, Charles, could you try to stop moving?" he snapped, taking his friend's right hand with his left the other still resting on the telepath's chest.

Another smile crept over the younger man's lips. "I never expected you to be so protective."

The metal bender shot him a dark look, yet he was glad to hear the teasing notion in the other's voice. "Only when you lose your sense of self-preservation." he mumbled.

They were quiet for the rest of the time until Julie arrived, Charles struggling to control the bouts of pain every now and then erupting in his lower back. Erik's steady and grounding presence was extremely comforting and when the door opened and Julie walked in he felt like he could handle the pain – at least for now.

"So somebody did come around to see you. Hello, Erik." Julie said and smiled as the German took her hand. The PT had been introduced to all members of Charles' 'family' except for Hank and it never occurred to her not addressing all of them on first-name terms.

"Yeah, well, he can be quite clingy." Charles answered trying to cover his condition by joking what earned him a warning look from Erik.

But Julie could easily tell the telepath wasn't okay on her own and the metal bender moved from where he sat to the visitor's chair on the other side of Charles' bed so the therapist could get a proper look at the young professor.

"First of all, let's get you out of the brace, hm?"

When she pulled back the blanket Erik gave Charles a questioning look and the other didn't need his telepathic ability to know his friend asked if he should leave, giving Charles his privacy. The young man considered his answer for a split second before shaking his head.

He didn't want the German to leave, taking so much comfort in his presence.

"Erik, if you don't mind helping me for a sec?" Julie asked, looking up from where she had placed her hands on Charles' hip and knees. "It'll make things easier and less painful." The explanation was meant for both of them and the metal bender rose from his chair, settling down on the other side of the bed.

The PT positioned his hands on Charles' left shoulder and his lower back while explaining the manoeuvre and a couple of heartbeats later the telepath was laying on his right side.

Julie set to work getting him out of the back brace while Erik kept a steadying hand on his friend's shoulder, gently running his thumb over the fabric of Charles' shirt knowing this certainly wasn't an easy experience for him.

Once the brace was gone they helped him turn around again so he was lying on his back and Julie did a quick check on him finally stating everything was okay – he had simply overexerted himself. Then she carefully arranged his legs, resting his knees on a special pillow to prevent muscle-shortening or defective positions. Finally she brought the blanket back over Charles' exhausted body.

"There you are. Now, I'll better go and find a nurse to get you something for the pain." She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "See you tomorrow. Bye, Erik."

A few moments later the door shut behind her and Charles closed his eyes; the exertion and pain had clearly taken their toll on him.

Erik brought a hand under his friend's neck, cradling him, his thumb trailing along the soft line of Charles' jaw while his other hand rested on his chest again monitoring the young man's slightly uneven breathing. They remained in comfortable silence and when the nurse came with an injection of painkillers and the telepath showed no sign of reaction Erik presumed he had already fallen asleep.

He just wanted to release the hold on Charles' neck and leave so the other could get some rest when he heard Charles' quiet voice, already heavy with sleep.

"Will you stay a little longer, Erik?"

The metal bender smiled as he resumed his former position, lightly touching Charles' smooth cheek.

"Of course."

**And that's a wrap for now ;) Please let me know what you think about it. **

**I will most likely continue the story with the day Charles returns to the mansion but if there is a scene you would like to read about while he's still in the hospital, please let me know about your ideas and I'll write another chapter about suggested topics if they fit with the timeline.**

**As for the matter if this should be a Charles/Erik fic or if their relationship should remain one of friendship – I haven't decided yet. But I will ;)**

**Thank you for reading, wonderful people!**


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